As I began my journey through the one mile block journey that is my exercise emporium, I realized that at first I was really enjoying the scenery. The sights and sounds. My wonders began to pile up, for example, what in the world are those obnoxious bugs that screech through summer nights and what were they doing up in the middle of the day? As I approach the hill that marks my halfway point, it became a huge mountain. I was suddenly aware of my temporary ailments: I was getting hotter and therefore acquiring sweat that created that "just out of the shower" look, my calves were aching, I began hunching from back pain, and by this point I had lost steady control of my breathing which only enhanced the previous sentiments. I was almost done. I started considering every option except for continuing on. I felt that I absolutely had to stop running, I could not do it anymore. What if I was out there too long and passed out? No one was out this time of day. I could die out here. Oh, God, I can't make it. I won't make it. Within two minutes I had gone from a confident jogger enjoying the scenery to a full fledge panic attack convinced I had seen my last sun. All at the sight of a hill. No mountains, just a hill. I lost all faith in myself because I lost focus for one second. I spent the rest of my run so focused on finishing that I didn't take in the last half. I guess life is about balance in all things. Know where your going, but don't lose sight on how you're getting there. I do this a lot in life. I feel as if I am always wanting to fast forward my life. Fast forward to my trip to Disney. Fast forward to next summer. Fast forward to my internship at Disney. Fast forward to my next cool job. Fast forward to being old enough to get in every club or rent a car. Fast forward to whatever I decide the next step to be, with no regard for the present or past. I only focus on the now with petty gossip or stressing over the current exam. I over dramatize both. The now is always bad and the future has so much potential, but we can never get to a great future without great everyday appreciations and choices. Without maintaining focus and control of my own breathing, everything else falls apart.

"If you don't know where you're going, any road will get you there."

While jogging along in my sweet new frog-like five fingers, I began to realize how little I actually looked around to take in the world I live in. This was the first run I've ever taken without the distraction of an iPod. I smelled two freshly cut grasses, and another with a fecal accessory left behind by a canine. I heard the obnoxious cries of a diesel engine behind me, long before it passed by. I took the time to stare down a dog and calm remain at the same pace as it chased me. :) I felt the ground beneath me, withstanding the weight of yet another ungrateful passerby. I was alone. Just me passes through this world full of scenery waiting to be appreciated by the senses. It was great. And I prayed. This was one of the most genuinely simple prayers I've ever prayed. I was really able to take in the presence of a conversation between myself and God while noticing the world he created around me. It was a fresh area of gratitude. As I ran, thanking him for the simple idea to leave the iPod behind, I realized what a great time I was having in this unique conversation. I realized that such a prayer was unprecedented. Most have been spoken within four white walls. Whether they were the four walls of a hospital room, praying for my brother's or some other beings life or the four walls of a church, over-adorned with petty items to help accentuate the show we were putting on; I had truly never learned to take it all in and really learn from God while I prayed. I have learned so much outside of the church routine that I thank God I had the courage to leave and still feel confident enough in my faith. Our faith does not require church to exist. It requires it for growth. If a Christian finds themselves at a church that does not help them grow outside of a comfort zone, or weekly routine, they are wasting their time and are better off without. Creating yet another weekly ritual in my life was not what I needed to grow. I needed genuine relationships between myself and God and myself and others, others who sought to grow as I did. Most of the people I discovered weren't growing as Jesus followers, but simple people with a different perspective looking to change the world a little for the better. What does that say about me? I'm a Christian who has yet to produce anything even close to these non-followers who truly do this out of their hearts and souls. It means I've been following stagnant people. These luke-warm relationships brought nothing but hurt and shallow feelings. I'm on a hunt for another church, because I do believe having a church home. I won't stop growing until I find one though, because my faith isn't held within white walls, plush pews, self-righteous approvals, decorative bibles, cool t-shirts, a love limited to africa or soup kitchens, a certain amount of church going friends, christian education, or a well put together stage set. Because, I am more than that. I am a complex human like everyone else. With a passion that will not be satisfied by such petty things. Simplifying Jesus down to rules or cool shows puts him in a box. Expanding him through our relationships, limited by no standards, justifies His greatness. By limiting who we allow our contacts to be, we limit Him. By socially excluding someone from a church group or your life, we create a cold heart, a seed crushed by our own thorns. That's a heavy burden to bear.