It's been a minute.
Well, more than a minute.
I survived 2011.
And it was hard. One of the toughest of my life.
My grandma laid on what the doctors swore was her death bed.
My aunt ended up in rehab pending a possible loss of her nursing license.
I lost nearly every friend in every social circle of my life: Memphis, Disney, and at the hospitality school.
2011 was my loneliest year.
Soon, I will have been single for a year.
And I've learned a lot.
It's never too late to quit. And quitting isn't as bad as they say it is. In fact, economically speaking, it is better to accept your sunk costs and move on to new beginnnings.
My grandma quit smoking after over 50 years. She was tired of being addicted. And still wants to take a beach vacation with her family before she checks out.
My aunt quit drugs. And found time to be a better mom. And to save her license. Ironically, the whole situation forced her to quit her job at a place she didn't really love in the first place.
I may have almost no friends, but I know who my real ones are. And I cherish them more now than ever. It's your true friends that fight with you and call you stupid, but, at the end of the day, are standing there right beside you. They're the people who wouldn't believe a word some stranger said about you without asking you first. It's crazy what a few vengeful people can do to your character.
It hurts to work so hard for everything I have and everything I stand for, just to have it stolen. For me to be assume as a mean girlfriend, hateful friend, and lazy group member that quits at the first sign of struggle.
But of what remains from the forest fire of 2011 and early 2012, I have amazing people who remind me I didn't really like those that have left all that much anyway. It's okay to quit or give up. You can't hold on to things forever.
It's okay to quit if you're miserable and not getting to your goal. It's okay to quit if there's no hope of resolving the issue. It's okay to quit if the habit is sending you to your grave. It's okay to quit when you aren't being respected. It's okay to quit running when your leg is in unbearable pain.
Because when you quit, you realize what options you have.
There's more time for everything you do love. I have time to learn to swim.
I don't have the heart for another boyfriend, but I do have more room for better friends that I can give more to now. One of my New Year's Resolutions is to remember my friend's birthdays and at least send a card. I know it's petty, but I've really sucked at it over the years.
I have time to take zumba and camping.
And go camping.
And go to california (spring break!).
I have time to go meet new people who can teach me more about photography.
I have time to revive old friendships and learn to salsa at the same time (Rumba Room, here we come).
I have time to read.
I have time to paint.
I have time to do those damn Pinterest projects.
I have time to be there for my friend that is getting married whenever she needs me for a pre-marital meltdown.
I never realized how much I did stuff out of obligation that I absolutely hated until I starting letting go of these attachments. And though it cost me a lot of drama and people have assumed the worst in me, I just can't bring myself to care.
Maybe it's because this is my last semester - the semester when not a single fuck is given. Maybe it's because I'm PMSing (just kidding). Or maybe it's the New Year. Maybe it's my bitterness talking.
Whatever it is, it was worth it.
Despite all the pain and hurt and having no one to help me through a lot of it, things have changed for the better.
I'm still getting through.
I spent my car ride to school crying and wondering when I was going to look back and say "Oh, God, remember that horrible period of my life where one thing after another blew up and I never thought it would end? I'm so glad that this and that happened so that now I'm here."
That moment happens when you decide to let it happen.
You turn around when you're ready to turn around.
You quit smoking when you're ready.
You stop hanging out with misery when you're ready to let go of the commitment you've created in your head.
As Johnny Depp said, "Just keep moving forward and don't give a shit about what anybody thinks. Do what you have to do, for you."
