Fast Forward

Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.
Psalm 139:16

I've been super busy lately. Not that I'm complaining. I'm much happier being busy and even stressed over time management than in past years when I was simply not involved in things going on around me. I'm a college intern volunteer at St. Jude now, I have orientation in a few weeks. I am also a MILE program participant now. It is a business leadership program for juniors for those who are unaware. My classes are going decently swell, all 20 hours. I think advanced scuba has only increased my addiction. Kayaking is...okay. My interest hasn't really peaked for it I guess. Oh well, it is still fun to try something new. As I move forward things will only get more hectic. I am about to take over the group sales portion of our sales department-should be interesting! I am really feeling inadequately trained for the position, but maybe most of the position is about individualism and you make it what it is- not simply following the task lines and completely goals. Hopefully it won't end horribly! I have been thinking about how much I love college lately. While I will be excited to graduate, I can't believe how much it has actually taught me, outside the classroom, and how much I love my life as a college student. It is so balanced. I have realized that life does come down to how you balance. I have an excellent balance between serving my community, educating myself, and doing what I love, although I wish I had more time to do those things more often with the people I love. I never get enough of that. It has made me realize that maybe I don't want the professional internship like I thought I did. Do I really have a passion for it? I loved Orlando, but it was really the people that made it that way. Don't get me wrong, there will always be incredible people there. And I would still love to live and work there. But would the internship put at a 9 to 5 pace. Did I ever want that? I think I did at one point. But now, after experience college, I could never go back to that. How in the world did I spend 9 hours in the same building (high school)? And why am I making the extra effort of 20 hours of schooling a semester on top of inconsistently scheduled 40 hours of work a week just to essentially go back to high school? Surely there is more to life than only living it outside of those brutal hours? I have been pushing myself to think outside of the 9-5 box. And it has been a glorious stretch of my comfort zone. Life seems so much bigger and greater when you don't squish the days into that box. Your weeks into Monday through Friday. Limiting yourself to an office job. Or limiting yourself to one specific company. There is so much I can do. I can be happy in so many ways. I'm really excited to find out how it all goes. In a way a lot of things have picked up so fast. Things are moving by in my life so fast, but at the same time, reaching this realization has slowed me down. Made me appreciate life as if it will end soon. I guess it could.

I Think I'll Go To Boston...

Ahh, the start of a new semester. I'm excited to see how this one will turn out. This week I have been ill to the point of immobility, without a car, and without a cell phone. I have been incredibly dependent on others. Its funny, when I thought I was independent enough to be without any assistance, everything crashes! Sometimes I will go into this anti-friend mode. I think its because I either keep people down or hold them up on a pedestal, until they disappoint me. And those who are down really have no realistic hopes of rising to my apparently high standards of grace. I just decide "fine then, I will pack my shit and move into another life." Of course I'm restricted by school. It makes me wonder. Will I actually do that some day? Will I ever be free of restriction enough to say hmm... lets go. I hope that one day I have the guts to just take off! Maybe live in a foreign country or something.