Sports Teams and Sanity

Warning: Vent Post!
As a front desk agent I put up with a lot of things for little pay. I'm part psychiatrist, housekeeper, dog walker, baby sitter, maintenance worker, concierge guide, among other things.
One of the many frustrating parts of hotels is sports teams. No matter the sport, no matter the age sports teams are the epitome of the weekend leisure traveler in mass bulk and hysteria.
Upon their unorganized mass arrival, the demands start rolling in. Extra blankets, extra pillows.
"What's taking so long?"
You just checked-in twenty rooms with forty complaints and needs. There is one front desk agent.
You do the math.
"Why aren't you answering the phones?"
I just did, didn't I? You really think you gave me adequate time to walk back downstairs from changing your sheets plus the side trip to tell that other parent "sorry the pool isn't heated."
"We wanted to be next to the Smiths!"
Are you 4? Did becoming a parent reduce your maturity? Are you incapable of existence outside of a 20 foot diameter of the Smiths?
"I think I will just walk up to the desk and stare at the agent until she reads my mind."
Sorry, I left those skills at home. I charge extra for mind reading.
Please just say what you want.
And if its another room key, we charge .50 per key after #5. Your tab is up to $20. And if you want directions printed-the business center is five feet away. You are under 45 years old and we both know you can google.
If you are calling to complain about the noise in the courtyard and hallways, look for your kid. Chances are its him running up and down the halls and throwing balls all over the courtyard because you aren't watching him. Its hardly supervising if you are drunk in the courtyard of a hotel in the suburbs.
Real nice.
You're a cool parent.
And no, I can't give twenty rooms a 3:00 pm check out. My check-in time is 4 and I have normal people that know how to travel and still have their manners checking-in. Did you forget this was a business, not just your play pen to trash? I'm sorry your kids are playing late games and you have an 8 hour drive, if you want you can stay another night. Or maybe just skip on the 8 hour trip for a t-ball tournament.
Really, it's T-ball.
You are taking their undeveloped athletic skills a little too seriously.
Maybe you should have worn a condom. Or if spawning was optional, maybe you should have better spent your travel money on a typical family beach trip.
If you ever produce, or already have, and have the opportunity to travel 8 hours for something as ridiculous as a t-ball tournament, please keep this post in mind.