Blended, Mixed, Shaken or Stirred - whatever you call it, the family is best served with alcohol.

I met my new step family last night.
It was...interesting.
I was expected a strict family oriented around grandpa's ministry life, although he recently retired. I expected a perfect family with their life in order.
I was not excited.
I got something a lot different.
I really like them all, though. I guess you think of this situation as just a decision made by your mother to marry this guy. But, when you think about it, she married this guy because he will like you and your siblings and get along with them, at least you hope she thinks that. So why wouldn't his family?
They were an incredibly imperfect and eclectic bunch.
His brother and sister-in-law are so fun and an do what they love. They have a 14 year old daughter who is very energetic and creative. And now they are adopting twin baby girls. I was shocked. I mean, they already have a biological 14 year old, what a gap and why adopt?
Because they simply need a family and they have a home and would love to have them.
Why not?
They do things they want to do without the judgement of others. The babies are even the spawn of a married couple who already have children. They simply live in a house that is too small and don't have the finances to raise a set of girls. They have accepted their limits and realized what it takes to make sure their children are well taken care of.
It brings joy to the soul.
And their grandmother isn't anything like a pastor's wife. She is witty and smart. She isn't just subjected to his and/or his churches approval. At least that is the impression I get. These are people who are comfortable being themselves.
People who love their God by being strong in who they are.
Who would have thought.

Zapping Myself Bald Part Two

I seem to have forgotten to update on the laser hair removal.
Well about a week ago I notice that the hair coming back in was SUPER thin and light - I had black hair. I forgot to keep up with noticing it daily, so, my apologies, I don't know if it actually took 5-7 for it to actually fall out.
I'm really curious to see if it will actually be gone in 3 treatments, only two more!
Right now Groupon has a deal going on again for 3 treatments at $99 at Cosmedic Solutions in Cordova, TN. Click here for the deal (today only).
I have my next appointment on Wednesday and will update further then!

"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together."

Glass is one of my favorite art mediums. Especially blown glass. It is amazing how wonderful the mixture of all the colors are and the "defects" make them even better.
I agree that relationships are the same way.
Things fall apart, all the time. But it is up to the two friends or lovers to decide if it is worth the time and effort to make it right. Things won't be the same, but different and better, if you do it right.
Broken glass makes the most beautiful mosaic, but that takes two to make.
The boyfriend and I are at a confusing stage right now. Everyone says to leave it. I mean, how much can you fight convincing yourself that it is a great mosaic for the world to see?
It kind of felt like we were fighting on our own, and then I realized who my real friends were. It's nice not to feel like you are fighting your views with your own "friends."
I feel like I turned around, with a sigh of relief, only to find myself alone.
It hurts.
I feel like I worked so hard to make our relationship and make myself something to be proud of, just to find out he feels trapped, and we should just wait until he doesn't feel that way anymore.
What do you say to that? What do you do? I thought that talking it out was the best solution to everything, but how many times will we repeat the same conversation?
I guess you just wait for an answer.
Or until your cruise docks back in Tampa on January 13.
Or until next summer's end.
Or until graduation.
Where does the line get drawn?
How long do you wait before being told you aren't good enough again?
How much do you keep investing just to wait for that?

"In this meaningless life of mine I have seen both of these: a righteous man perishing in his righteousness & a wicked man living long in his wicked."

(Ecclesiastes 7:15)
About six months ago I decided that the generic American movie industry and television was not enough. I really don't watch television, I haven't since Freshman year of high school. Maybe it wasn't that television was bad after all, it is just there wasn't anything that engaged me. Then I discovered documentaries.
I love them. I learn so much more from them than these stupid same shit, different bag movies. They are incredibly well done and made for a purpose. It really makes me wonder what I'm doing.
I mean I spent last night bored out of my mind at work and it is finals week. I should be a stressed out study freak.
I feel like my brain is rotting away.
Surely I am meant for more that this.
Then again, this will have to suffice considering my school schedule. I shouldn't expect anything semi-engaging until next year or even after graduation.
I feel like my studies are useless. Don't get me wrong. I love school and I love learning, but it just feels like I'm not learning that much or enough. I think that I have pushed myself too far, in that, I am having a lot of life experiences early.
I got a job and started paying a lot of bills early.
I think more long run than most students.
I feel like I missed out on my youth, maybe.
I had my desk job before I graduated highschool.
Check.
And never going back - talk about under stimulation.
With this front desk job, I have my entry-level position at the property level.
Check.
And not sure I'm coming back.
It is nice to be apart of people's vacations and everyday work week lives, I really love it. But it is not enough. I guess it is too quiet. We don't offer enough services or, quite simply, the city is not big enough.
I would really love to be in a big city, but I really love the outdoors and don't want to miss out on nature. Then again, would I be bored out of my mind, too, on a tropical island. As lovely as they are, would it be enough?
Am I getting greedy now?
Hospitality was my way out. It was a sure ticket that I would be getting out of Memphis. But what am I leaving for?
What is really going to satisfy me? If I have decided that I am leaving, what is it I intend on leaving and what will I replace it with?
And the big question lately...
Why?
What is the point of it all?
Lately I have felt very apathetic towards everything. Probably because I am still suffering from the after effects of throwing my life off balance and into the grindstone. I have noticed that, while I like working for someone and having concrete results of my efforts in the long run, I need results now.
I'm tired of living in the secure bubble of working for the corporation. I have the drive to work outside 9-5. Anyone who takes 21 college hours and 40 hours of work a week should.
So why settle?

“Procrastination is, hands down, our favorite form of self-sabotage.”

I'm a bit of a procrastinator.
For example, I had a ceremonial speech yesterday.
I had to leave my house by 9:30 to get to class on time.
Because I waited until 9 am to start writing it and throwing together a slide show, I didn't leave until 9:45.
I was late, as always. And hadn't even read over it to ensure it would meet time requirements.
It is funny how I always get things down though, especially under pressure. I guess that is where I work best.
Pressurized.
It wasn't until I walked into the garage last night that I even knew what I was going to talk about. I saw a sign my dad had made for me when I got home in January from Disney.
It said "Welcome Home Madison."
That was all.
To drive up and see that on the lawn really warmed my soul.
So, I gave it on my father. He has really changed a lot since the divorce.
And I can't believe I did this, but I cried up there.
He is really such an incredible person now. I feel like I don't deserve him. He puts up with a lot of my crap and expects a lot of me.
I just can't believe I cried.
But we have really gone through a lot over the past year or so, and I guess I never sat down and realized it.
And he doesn't complain. Or talk bad about my mom. Or keep bringing it up.
I found that really comforting when we were going through the divorce. He didn't talk about it. We just talked about us or things in our lives outside of my mom. If I needed to talk about something, we talked about it. Outside of that it was strictly no-mom conversation.
I guess I feel obligated to say that because a lot have people who are going through divorces and have kids and such have asked what it is like on my side of the fence and how they should handle it.
For anyone going through that. Be yourself. Not your hurting self.
Save that for a psychologist.
Seriously.
This is a time of loss and grieving and I wish both of my parents had seen a psychologist instead of using their eldest child as one. Remember that we are losing a family, too. We aren't the parents.
You are.
Grow up and don't talk about the other. Spend some time with us if we are open, if not, drop it. Suggest a psychologist for us, too. Not yours. And again, only if we are open.
Don't ask about the other parent. It is awkward.
I know it is hard, but push through, and don't forget your kids in any decision. I feel like I have been forgotten in a few big one's of my mothers.
Much love.

"He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." -Zephaniah 3:17

I love those moments when you are outside or driving and the whole world seems to be in silence. The world stops for a time and does something together, for the most part.
It is as if we are all preparing, thinking, together. When I think of these moments, a few from the past come to mind.
Christmas Eve. I know it sounds ironic with all the jitters children get, but the outside world seems so quiet and calm. The families are in their homes, silently thanking God or whatever higher being, for what they have. They are creating quiet memories of their own in front of their fireplaces. The great moments of a family bonding without a sound and maybe even without consciousness as they make memories for, hopefully, another great Christmas.
Superbowl Sunday. Another irony what with all the hoopla. I am NOT a football fan. I hardly understand it, and, quite frankly, I hate it. Especially watching it. It is so boring to me. They take way too long to play-I'm more basketball myself. Maybe it is because the University of Memphis' football team stinks and basketball is much more flattering to the school. Who knows? But Superbowl Sunday is another day where we join together inside analyzing and bonding, and, more importantly, discussing commercials. The outside world awaits, holding its breath for the outcome.
The eve of the St. Jude marathon. That one is Memphis oriented, but still, I felt it a lot last night. I was driving around all over town last night to make different events, but it seemed so quiet. The city was waiting and resting to make something great happen.
And it was amazing.
To see how many people showed up to run for these kids was incredible. I have never been to a marathon before so this was all new to me. I was only volunteering, but it was just as incredible. It was a great day where all of the humanity around me was in sync. And for a great cause. For once we weren't complaining about traffic or how bad or city was. Everyone was all smiles. Everyone was trying to help and be considerate. People lined every bit of the course to encourage others they didn't even know. Everyone wants you to finish. As people crossed the finish line you felt so emotional and attached to this event.
It is just a race. Just cones on a road with a bit of food at the end.
But so much more than that. When you see all the families, fit and unfit, running for their child, niece/nephew, grandchild, church member's kid, you choke up. Some have passed, some are fighting, and a few have even won their battles. It puts a face to the disease.
These people are tired of how things are and want to help support and change the diseases children face. Sure, a lot were trying to qualify for the Boston marathon, too, but I will give them the benefit of the doubt.
The celebration was in sync.
This is how things should be.
Dropping ourselves and playing together.