Fight, Love, and Figure It Out

As I try and figure out where my life is going I can't help but keep Fight Club in the back of my head. It makes me wonder why I am doing what I'm doing. Why this?
To help my (possible) 80 years on earth go by easier?
I find myself hating business even more, it almost seems dehumanizing, yet at the same time, I enjoy marketing and analyzing basic behaviors.
Well, not so basic since they revolve around the modern marketplace.
Regardless.
It is fun to understand how we think and why.
One of my favorite authors, Rob Bell, recently put out a book called "Love Wins." Like many of his works, he tears away all the stupid religion of Christianity and looks at the basics.
How...organic?
I'm not done with it yet, but it is incredibly moving.
Everytime I read one of his books, it reminds me that "it doesn't have to be like this."
Nothing does.
I don't have to be a business major for anyone. I don't have to protest soldier's funerals or tell people to "turn or burn" to love God.
How I love God is unique to me, I'm made in His image, so why not embrace it.
I fall along a weird line of too liberal for business and not "artsy" enough to be an art student. A friend of mine tells me that makes a great talent manager.
Who knows.
It is weird to ride the line like this, but I feel like I am finally coming to accept it. Accept I will never be a great artist and I don't have to want to be great in business. I'm not really sure where that puts me, but who knows.
There is a part of me that enjoys the blank slate feeling.
But another part that says "you have so much potential, what are you going to do with it? Don't waste your time fucking around."
But is it wasted time if you come to understand yourself better?
Like in "Eat, Pray, Love."
Spending a year finding yourself and being, by the American standard, unproductive didn't work out so bad, after all, huh?
Unfortunately I don't have the funds to conjure up a trip to Italy, India, and Bali.
But I think I've got an equally awesome adventure ahead of me.