"This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time."

I know I have said it before, but I love the quote, "When the student is ready, the teacher appears."

It seems that someone hands me a book or suggests one that I really need to hear right when I need it. This last week I have nearly finished 3 very different books that all meet my current balance needs.

First was Rob Bell's "Love Wins." Rob Bell has a wonderful way of simplifying what we, the church, have complicated and abused.

If you haven't read a Rob Bell book before, start with his first one, "Velvet Elvis," to get an idea of his theology. I recommend him for people of all walks of life, because, at the end of it all, we are all humans and that is really the simplest way I can describe how he thinks. After that, hit up "Sex God" (optional), but you must try "Jesus Wants To Save Christians," after. And then you would have permission to read "Love Wins," ha!

"Love Wins" reminds me to wipe the slate clean and clear my mind of others judgements before I decide on what I believe Heaven and Hell are. And, honestly, they are right here, right now. How can I create heaven here and now for me and others as well as fight the hells of now? It basically comes down to maintaining your humanity or getting farther and farther away from it.

Next was Roald Dahl's "Fantastic Mr. Fox." Roald Dahl is a children's literature author and I think everyone should take the time to read a kids book every once in a while. Sure it is a little embarassing carrying a kids book around on campus, but it inspired me to laugh more easily.

Plus I absolutely love the movie, directed by Wes Anderson. The score is awesome, too, and is done by a French composer Alexandre Desplat. It is very dry humor, so beware.

Right now I am working on Chuck Palahniuk's "Fight Club." And I've decided to go out and buy all his books. He is an incredible writer. And if you have seen the movie, you will also know that not only is he great with words, but plot as well.

It correlates really well with personal issues I am struggling with as well as the running. It is the simplification process of Rob Bell, but without the spirituality. More of a "you" focus.

"Self-improvement is masturbation, now self-destruction is the answer."

There's a little bit of Chuck for you.

Get the idea?

Here's some more for you to enjoy.

My race this morning was much more solo feeling that last week at Cooper Young. We weren't numbered (therefore my time was less exact) and there weren't keg parties in yards (Naturally so, it was 8 am).

Not only did I lack encouragement, but I was also punished. Punished for all my bad eating this week. I felt so great last week and truly deserved eating bad after the race, even though it wasn't worth it, but I have really felt awful about giving in to my cravings this week - not just on a personal conscious level, but physically when I run or even just after I eat it.

I was chatting with my hippie friend today while we volunteered at the farmer's market. I told her that just getting your heart rate up enough to where you are sweating for 20 minutes straight 3 times a week is enough to get healthy and begin to lose weight.

Since I run around a 10 minute pace, this explains why it is so hard to get to that 2 mile mark. Getting to that 20 minutes is tough. It hurts. Everything in you wants to stop.

Once you build the stamina and the brain power to push and motivate yourself past it, it is a compound effect. Not only can you go farther, but it makes it easier to go farther.

I eventually hit a point where my calves feel hard as steel. I get a bit nervous since that could be a sign that I'm about to cramp and fall out (how embarrassing!), but I haven't cramped yet, so no worries.

It is at this point and the point where I begin to want to stop that I build stamina. This is the part where you build muscle. This is the part where you become a champion.

It is when it hurts the most. When you are dying to stop, yet you keep on, that you move forward on so many levels.

I have a lot of pride. When I hurt, I do my best to keep it to myself and push through. I do this to the point of burning bridges to keep people out. I mean its only "after you've lost everything that you are free to do anything." Is another relationship really the answer? I think I'm becoming attached to my independence, unwilling to give it up again.

A lot of the time I feel like these are lessons I'm supposed to learn on my own.

No one can run a race for me.

I have to train. I have to hurt. I have to have hardened calves.

And with every bit of emotional pain, I turn to exercise.

As I make my calves harder, I make my heart harder (and stronger), too.

I push myself on so many levels just to see how far I can keep going, how long I can go just being by myself, how many credit hours can I cram into a semester (currently 23), how many extracurriculars, and, sometimes, how long I can feel the pain of hunger before it goes away.

Yeah, I know that last one was bad. No worries, I assure you I am eating.

I think they call this obsessive exercising.

But since it is exercise, can you really do too much? I mean, this is a healthy outlet, right?