Paris: Day 30, 31, & 31.5

This post was written at the Charles De Gaulle Airport and unfortunately was not posted there since they only offer free internet for 15 minutes there, plus my computer died just as I was about to hop up and board. Boo!

As I sit here for my last 20 minutes in Paris I can’t help but reflect on what an amazing personal journey Paris has been for me. Sure, I’m no Parisian, nor will I ever be, but this city happened to be the backdrop for an amazing transition in my life that I wouldn’t change for the world.

Instead of feeling alone and empty, I rediscovered things that I used to love, like art and, as the Italians say it in some Italian way, “The art of doing nothing” along the banks of the Seine or in my local park. I accomplished goals, understand and spoke better French, and also missed out on some things, but, above all, I learned to recognize my happiness and accept the amazing life I have.

One aspect of my trip that occurred everyday without my realizing were magical moments. At Disney, these are moments to make someone feel special. You go out of your way a bit and just make someone’s day. Everyday these last 2 weeks I had a small humorous exchanged in French or took a picture of a family in front of the Eiffel tower or one of the many monuments around Paris.

It brought me home.

Sure, it is small and stupid and maybe I only do it for selfish reasons, but it felt good to be “home” for a moment behind a camera with a family in front of me, so excited that they will have a fireplace picture of them all on their trip. No matter what language they spoke, the hand signals for “you want me to take your picture” were universal. And the smile of gratitude worthwhile.

I felt like it opened me up more, I became less shy to strangers (I’m always outgoing at home in the states). With this I took in more French culture more openly, understanding we all want a lot of the same things. The picture of your family in front of the Arc du Triomphe. To watch a strangle playfully interact with your beautiful child (best done on the metro where everyone is a bore). To learn about another culture (you’re waiting in line anyway, why not ask how much Jack Daniels the Memphian drinks, answer: none since I accidentally ingested some at the age of 11 mistaking it for coke).

My last few days were packed. I realized how much French just love converting useless building to Art museums. Considering all the hype it is probably their best economic opportunity: how many more ancient churches can you create and profit off of? Take the old train station and put old art in it instead.

Despite my cynical attitude, going to Musee D’Orsay, an art museum house in an old train station was a unique experienced. It was so open and grand a beautiful. Had I been told the idea, I would have been like “you want to put Seurat in what?”

Can you imagine putting that place together? Which painting or sculpture to you put just beyond the entrance? Where do you put the famous Monet painting so it appeals but doesn’t overshadow?

It works though.

And they were renovating, too, so it smelled of fresh paint. It made me feel as if these paintings were hot off the press, er, easel. Ha!

The middle was a line of sculptures. Several interesting looked like facebook poses. I will try and find picture later for you (no pictures allow in the museum, sad). To either side were “salles” or rooms of paintings. Lots of Degas, but no one cared about Degas before 1870, judging from the lack of people in these salles. Poor guy. Oh well, they were really only commissioned painting of family portraits anyway. He was me with a brush back then. Taking in the scene for the family to go above the fireplace. Mind you mine probably just go on facebook.

Nudity, nudity, nudity. I’ve grown used to and almost bored with all the nudity. The greeks do great in their sculptures and many of the French paintings are beautiful as well, but as soon as I walked into a room where the center picture was a very clearly depicted vagina on canvas, I decided that maybe the layout committee hadn’t done such a great job and maybe I wasn’t as used to nudity as I thought and maybe I simply didn’t think ALL the nude paintings were beautiful. Keep your 19^th century porn to yourselves. Ironically this painting was called beginning of the world.

Ha.

In one of the rooms, I discovered the Toulouse (as in from the movie Moulin Rouge) was very really. He was a painter that painted the dancers and was looked down upon by many, and I believe including his family (which is similar to Christian’s story in the movie).

As I moved through centuries of art, remember many of them from my own past in study, I couldn’t help but try and remember how I, as a child, saw these paintings. What did I think of them then? What stood out? Did I really even care then? I’m reading another book by Malcolm Gladwell called “What the dog saw.” It is basically a collection of his articles for the New York Times. Not as interesting as his other books, but still neat. In an article I have yet to reach he discusses some dog mind reader or dog calmer and how he wants to know what it’s like to do that for a living. Later, he wonders, wait, what does the dog see? What does the dog think?

What was Seurat thinking when he painted that ball?

What did he see? What did Monet see as he painted his garden or the sea? It makes me wish I had gone to see Giverny, where his home and garden are.

If I created art, what would others see?

I’m also reading “Eat, Pray, Love.” And honestly, I should have read it much sooner. While she is in Italy, she it told by an Italian (a roman specifically) that every city has a word.

Rome’s is Sex. The Romans are always playing with it, fighting for it, dressing for it. Everyday. Apparently in Naples it is Fight, obvious since she saw a lot of aggression there. What would the states be?

Then he asks her what hers is? And she has no idea.

And neither do I. I think I want it to be life. I feel like I really try to soak up life as much as I can, so maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. Who knows?

It is this conscious thought that I have come to appreciate. After reading “The Happiness Project” I’m more aware of my interests. After seeing all this art, I see the world a little more beautifully. And looking forward to this blog makes me think more analytically and more “bigger picture” like, if there is a word for that, sorry I didn’t use it.

Oh, gotta go board! See you in North America!

Paris: Day 28 & 29

Happy 100th post to me!

Whoop Whoop!

My mom always taught me that every mess can be cleaned up and every situation made anew. This kept running through my head as I just cleaned up half of my dinner that was ever so carefully spilled on the counter. Mind you, I'm super broke at this point in my trip and food is getting rationed, ha.

Today wasn't such a great day, I didn't do much and spent most of it sulking (wanting to be home) and sleeping (so I didn't have to think about being home).

We talked about the stereotypes that other countries are perceived to have in class. As you can imagine, the United States isn't so loved.

We were asked to write down what we thought others would say about our country, and, I, for the most part was pretty accurate.

The first adjective was obese.

Fair enough.

Next was sports.

Oh, the irony.

I suggested that maybe they meant we liked to watch sports a lot.

Emotional came next.

That one, I didn't predict. But, understandable.

Concern with business.

Then, as expected, debt. We love to run up debt to keep buying things. Direct quote (translated from French, of course).

Ethnocentric.

Saw that coming, too. Especially when we were discussing the other represented countries and I didn't know what to say about half of them except what their average climate was.

We like war.

Embarassing.

At least they said we were very nice.

I couldn't help, but feel down about it. And afterwards, I went to Musee D'Orsay, anticipating a free entry, but was denied for not having a passport. A first so far. Students who are in the European union and are under 26 get in free to all public museums and with a heavy discount to private ones. This was my first problem. Before, I have only needed a student ID and an ID showing my age.

Since I didn't have the cash to spare, I had to opt out. Being tight on money severely limits things you can do anywhere. In Paris there are plenty of parks and of course the river to enjoy, all for free. I wasn't in the mood though. There was no pulling me out of this rut. I should have gone running, but instead I stayed at home.

I know, wasted time in Paris.

I made up for it by cramming in a lot of it yesterday.

First the museum des arts et metiers. Basically a museum for technology. It was neat, basically just a bunch of old communication and media devices. Glad I didn't pay for it to be honest.

Afterwards was Rodin (the sculptor). Now this, I would have paid for (but still happy it was free). I love Rodin's work. He is probably my favorite sculptor, so this museum was high on my must do list. I have yet to furrow my brow to reflect or understand emotion evicted from art here in Paris as much as I did there. He is so amazing. His ability to express emotion and body language is second to none. Plus his sculptures (most famous being "The Thinker") were outside in beautiful gardens on a wonderfully beautiful and sunny day. Another famous one of his, "The Kiss," and of course one of my favorites, too, was inside a house where many of the models were for the bigger structures. I could go on forever talking about how amazing each piece was, but I won't bore you. They did, however, dedicate to his and Monet's friendship.

They each owned pieces of the other's work that sort of reflected the other in the respective mediums. In life, we have relationships like these. Beautiful friendships or romantic relationships that are so great, their benefits are recognized by all. I have several friendships that I cherish because I know they aren't beneficial to just us, but that they extend beyond us, creating happiness and good things for a lot of people.

My roommate in Orlando is probably the epitome of that. While we were skyping tonight, she mentioned that we were soul mates in a friendship way. And I think that is completely true. We are two souls who complete each other. Who discover and explore the world in different ways, but blend together in a beautiful masterpiece. We are always looking to tag team and help others out and go on our own adventures. She is one of my greatest inspirations. And my friendship with her is the guide for how I would want a relationship and marriage to be. Isn't that what they are anyway? Extended friendships.

After Rodin I explored the Marmotten Monet Museum. A lot of impressionistic work, my favorite time period, and of course, a lot of Monet. I loved going straight from Rodin to Monet and seeing bits of Rodin in his work or his life. I wonder if I ever had a museum who all would make it in? I didn't like having to pay for it, but because I love impressionism, I guess it was worth the 5 euros.

Last was Musee Quai Branley. Basically Art meets Anthropology. A really neat museum in and of itself, but not really "my type." The gardens themselves were beautiful and made the trip out there worth it.

Paris: Day 27

Today I didn't feel like going to class.

So...I didn't.

I slept in and unsuccessfully attempted to go to the catacombs. They're closed on Mondays. As are most museums.

That is, except The Louvre (notable for the Mona Lisa) and Pompidou (modern art known for having its piping on the exterior).

So to the Louvre I went. And I fought through the crowds to see a painting I really don't care for anyway (the Mona Lisa). Despite all the rumors, the rest of the museum was crowded, too. I guess when there are really only 2 museums open on Mondays, you really can't expect much else. I realized more and more than I should have taken Italian as I perused through the rooms. Of course, you have to choose in advance what you want to check out as far as era goes, you could never see it all in a day and I wasn't coming back for sure. I love Italian sculptures and paintings. Greek sculptures are awesome, too. I mean, the French are really only good for Impressionism and a few others. Even the city's most famous art piece is Italian (Italy has been fighting to get Mona back forever to no avail).

I love going alone. I felt bad for the families who clearly didn't want to be there, but were only there for dad, who was also miserable because he felt rushed. It was nice to walk around at my own pace and not talk to anyone. In fact, I didn't talk to anyone all day, except to ask to print something at CEA's office and tonight when I got home. I should have more days of silence. It feels good to just take things in: art, passing conversation, and just general scenery of life. Take it all in to my own soundtrack. Today was Washed Out's latest album as well as the soundtracks for The Italian Job (something I always listened to when I was doing art homework in high school, plus, hey, I'm in love with the Italians now) and Ocean's 11 (which made me really want to plot to steal art, but in that case I guess I should have been listening to Ocean's 12). From there I had lunch at the Carousel, basically an underground mall. Nothing notable, just Italian mall food.

After the Louvre I swung by the CEA office to print some things for school and to book my shuttle for Saturday to the airport. I can't believe it is almost time to go home. I feel like I am reverting back to my American ways quickly. Doing all these touristy things puts me in more contact with Americans than French, which in a way, makes me miss home and is making me a little less culturally accepting of the French right now. I don't want to speak anymore French or try a new French cafe. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm tired of trying new things right now. And that's one of my favorite things in life. I want to go do the touristy stuff and go home, just as if I were on vacation.

Close-minded, I know.

It was refreshing to get the Pompidou and see much more modern and thought provoking art. Sorry but I can only look at so many commissioned pieces of art that art just stupid portraits.

Pompidou is definitely my favorite museum so far, with its quirky layout that justly reflects the beautiful modern art it hosts. Including Duchamps' urinal. One of my personal favorites. They also play host to the Inside Out Project. Basically you get in a booth to take a picture of yourself to be printed on a poster with a dot on it. They want you to display it somewhere in the city. A neat idea, but honestly, had it not closed before I got there, I would have done it just to take home as a free souvenir, ha!

All that walking made me so very tired so I headed home to rest before eating some good ole American McDonald's. I'm reluctant to cook as of late because that's dishes I have to do before we leave. Psh.

I finished the Happiness Project today. I feel like it has already brought me so much happiness, or at least awareness to how great my life is and how much I need to just be true to me. One point that I read today that I loved was talking about giving positive reviews. I used to love to be critical of things because it made me feel smarter, and rightly so. You appear smarter if you have something critical to say about something. Yeah, and I also used to just read books or watch movies I didn't like, but said I did to seem like I liked the more educationally profound things in life, too.

Be true to Madison.

If I enjoyed something, I shouldn't be ashamed or look first to find flaw. She noted that you should always try and find something positive to say. She gives the example of a friend that passionately loves Barry Manilow. They went to a concert, and while she could have been critical and said something about how the graphics were poor or blah blah blah, she talked about how great his voice was live, even though she only went to the concert for her friend and didn't really care for him.

Had she made the negative comment, it would have invalidated her friend's happiness. I hate it when people put down my happiness and passions, why would I do the same?

I have a friend that absolutely loves working for Disney and simply loves theme parks in general, especially coasters. I get so tired of talking about working or listening to things going on at work or at other theme parks that sometimes I get short with him. But most of the time, I admire him for realizing his passions and engaging them to the fullest. No shame whatsoever. I wish I had that kind of courage.

And I should.

After finishing the book, the John Mayer song "No Such Thing" came to mind. There really isn't such thing as the real world after all. Go out and live your dreams and passions now. I am so excited about life and I truly believe in finding a career I will be crazy about once I decided to give up the addiction to something I didn't love after college. And seeing my friend live his dream is so inspiring.

I wouldn't want to be one of the negative people in my life that puts me down, but still draws on my positive energy. You can hardly stay afloat with people like that.

And my friends deserve better.

Paris: Day 25 & 26

Woo. My last weekend in Paris is over!

On Saturday we took a day trip up to Honsfleur, a port city in the North. We had a pit stop to switch to a bus in Trouville. A small town with a happening market, huge beach, and interestingly swedish like architecture. We roamed, perusing the market and exploring the beach. Simply breathing the fresh sea air.

I don't know what it is, but just knowing I am near the beach makes breathing the air even better. I feel instantly rejuvenated. I should live on the beach. Or maybe I would get too used to it.

The bus ride to Honfleur was hilly and filled with large homes overlooking the ocean from the cliff. They also had yards, something I forgot houses had from living in Paris. With the exception of the language and all the flowers, the port area was just like back home where we keep our own boat. It really made me a little homesick. As we walked around, many of the homes were in a neighborhood that reminded me of my own, just small houses, yards, and streets. We roamed a little more after eating at a restaurant whose name translates into "The cat that fishes."

Strange I know.

I didn't eat all my food.

I never do.

I think it is going to eat slow, recognize when you're full, and know when to stop. This, of course, doesn't apply to dessert. I have a separate, unlimited shelf for that.

I think the French find it rude. But that's just because genetics blessed them with smaller bones (well they don't drink much milk anyhow) and higher metabolisms. Every french person I eat with drinks every drop of wine and eats every crumb off their plate.

That's a lot of food when I eat several course meals with them. I mean, back home, I just order appetizers a lot and still don't finish them.

On the train ride back I watched wishfully as the French countryside passed. I wish there was a way to experience it all. Study in Paris, study in rural France, and on the French Riviera.

I want to do it all.

But I guess all you can do is hope the train breaks down and walk for a while - mind the Jack Johnson reference.

I came home and crashed. And rested for up for my last day at Disneyland Paris.

It was a great time and honestly a relaxing one without a lot of rushing. We had already done a lot and simply roamed and watched shows. I traded pins for a friend back home. I have never understood Disney pin trading. I think it is stupid.

Well, I did.

After today, I find it fun and intriguing. I don't think I will ever be a serious collector, but I would love to delve in and look around for things that peak my interest. I found several country bear jamboree pins, despite Paris not having the show.

Crazy!

Well I've got to rest up for an intense week of things I still haven't done.

Much love!

Paris: Day 24

Tomorrow begins my last week in Paris. I really can't believe it is nearly over. I still have so much I want to see and do.

On my walk to school today I thought about how much I was going to miss that walk everyday. And I wondered if I could start walking to class in Memphis. Then I remembered that I have more than just one class with a tiny book. Harvey (my car) is basically a huge locker for me throughout the day.

After class I ran a few errands and took a wonderful nap in the sunshine. My bed is right next to the window and it is almost always open. It felt great to sleep with sunshine on my face.

On my walk I thought more and more about my unofficial impromptu "happiness project." As I have been reading, I have been absent-mindedly thinking and trying to apply little things I read to my life. I would really love to do the project in 2012. Maybe I could get a few people to join in, too and we could all blog about it!

Even though I am away from my friends, I'm definitely becoming happier. Mostly just by recognizing more and more of who I am. Instead of denying myself things daily, I try and say yes immediately if I can. Vague, I know. For instance, if I wanted to listen to another song, just that song, on my way to school, I wouldn't do it unless I wanted to listen to the whole album. I felt like there HAD to be a theme or one album for the commute to school. Now, if I want to listen to a song and maybe switch again, I will.

I know it sounds stupid, but that's just the small example.

Now, I allow myself to dream. No more planning, only dreaming. Before I wouldn't allow myself to think about moving to Orlando or think about anything but "getting through" now. I stayed in the present, so that I could get to the future. A future that deep down, I knew I wasn't going to enjoy. I sacrificed all the time like I was some damn work and/or school martyr. I spent too much of my time resume building and not enough living. I realized that if I keep "sacrificing now" to benefit later for everything, I never get to the fun part.

I think there is a big difference in sucking things up for now to get what you know you want later and gritting your teeth through life just because what you're doing or what it will bring in the future is SUPPOSED to make you happy. For instance, I HATE getting ready for a run. I procrastinate it so bad, but once I'm out there. I love it. I love my life. I love the feeling after. I get through the bad part because I know I will enjoy the results enough for it to be worth it.

I love questioning myself and not listening to others on my happiness now. I feel like I am finally learning who I am. I pay attention to what I enjoy (walking, being outside, reading everyday, music, playing video games, musicals, spending time with my family) and especially to what I don't enjoying (going out, talking about politics, business classes, luncheons). Why is it that I don't like these things? What specifically do I not enjoy and how do I learn from it to make sure I don't mistakenly waste my time doing something else. Essentially, do I hate all business classes or just business statistics?

When I was running yesterday, I felt like I climb a huge brick wall. I accepted my life. I accepted that I could change it at anytime with no obligations to anyone (well I guess after school). I love this monologue that Brad Pitt does in Benjamin Button (I think I have posted it before):

It's like I finally have the strength to start over in a way. Clean the slate. And what fun it is to do so in Paris.

Today we hit up Notre Dame. After an hour wait in line for the tower (everyone has to wait, even if you buy tickets online, I guess it is best to go early in the day for the shortest wait). European Union students get in free. That means yours truly since I go to Sorbonne! Gosh the perks of being a student in Europe are SO much better than in the states. When I figure out what I'm doing with my life, maybe I will come back for school.

We climbed for what seemed like forever. Oh it hurt so bad.

I can run 8 miles, but climbing stairs? Ugh.

At the top though, it was worth the climb.

The beauty of the gothic architecture was more than I could have ever imagined it to be. Now I want to go watch the hunchback of notre dame.

From there we were off to Montemarte, my favorite part of town with all its artsy flair. There were more stairs to climb this time at Sacre Coeur, but the view was even better. I'm definitely going back to Sacre Coeur one last time before I leave. I love being in Montemarte, but especially just being in Sacre Coeur. As anti-church as I have been the last few years, it is nice to enjoy church without having to deal with the judgmental people. I feel like I get something out of it everytime. And during my run yesterday, I felt like I really had time with God, too. As if it was a follow up from the last time I was at Sacre Coeur, with no answers and really no way to formulate questions.

It was like it hit me yesterday to just accept. "Be still and know that I am God."

I have no idea where life is taking me, but I think I like that better.

More dreaming.

Less planning.

Paris: Day 23

Today on my walk to school, I thought a lot about my dad and my family back home. I'm a pretty big daddy's girl, though, so mostly him.

After living with several different people this summer, I miss coming home and just sitting around and talking to my dad. I know, that at the end of the day, he will always be there. Things may be going horrible in school, but he's just proud I made it this far. I may get screwed over by friends, but he's always there to remind me not to waste my time or tears. And even though I suck at relationships, I can always come home to my dad.

As much as I travel and see the world, I always come home to dad.

If some boy breaks my heart, there's always dad, waiting at home. Sure, he isn't the type to cry to, but at least I know he would never hurt me. And its times like those that I wonder why I ever seek out boys anyway. I sometimes feel like it is a bit of a replacement process, finding a boy or husband. Generally, girls want someone to take care of them. And before some guy, there was dad. I can't imagine replacing my dad.

And if I get to 30 and I'm still single, I don't think I will be all that stressed. There's always dad waiting at home. I almost feel like "A Rose for Emily." Hopefully I get a better ending, ha!

Being alone in Paris has made me realize a lot about myself. That its okay not to have a relationship. And, if I don't by 30, I think I will adopt. I will eventually want to share my life with someone, and let's face it, dad won't ALWAYS be there.

I also realized that pain is much more useful than happiness. Going through hurt and loneliness put me in great shape. In fact, I hit and surpassed the halfway point for the half marathon I'm training for today. It clears my head and gives me a goal. I'm going to really try and commit to fitness and family this Fall. By focusing on me here in Paris, I realized those are spots where I am weak and would really love to improve.

I even got the guts to admit to myself that the life I've been planning isn't what I want. There's no sense in continuing something I don't enjoy just because I already put a lot into it. That is sunk cost for you. The time is already spent, now how do I better the future?

Today was an easy day. I went running after class (nearly 8 miles!) and had a great time. I realized that the first couple of miles are the most trying. If I can get through those, I can get through anything. It is in those first two miles that I am more likely to stop or quit. I start to feel all the junk food I ate and the lack of water I didn't drink the last few days. But it is through pushing yourself that progress is made.

And so I ran.

And ran.

And sweat.

And pushed on.

And got lost.

And ended up running an extra mile and a half.

And it was beautiful.

And just like the bathtub effect, I wonder why I don't do it everyday. It is just a matter of getting myself out there. I need to dedicate more time this fall to that.

Afterwards we went down to the Eiffel Tower. And I remembered how much I hate heights. Climbing up all those stairs made me realize: 1)How much my calf muscles hate me today 2)How much of that tower is just stupid steele 3)The view is always worth the work

I had a farewell picnic tonight since the new group comes this next week. Since it was cloudy all day we moved to Cafe Rouge near republique and it was hands down my favorite cafe yet. It was awesomely decorated (the back room is 3 stories, ground floor and two floors of simple 3 foot space all around, creating a beautiful atrium effect). They apparently also give salsa lessons there. I have got to go back before I leave.

We spent forever talking and enjoying dinner with the program coordinator. Nearly 2 and a half hours worth of conversation. I loved it. Food always tastes and digests better with great conversation.

Just over a week left and so many adventures to be had!

Paris: Day 22

Today, in "The Happiness Project" (okay I'm tired of typing that out, from now on it shall be referred to as THP, thanks for your cooperation), I was reading about spirituality.

The funny thing was that she spoke of spirituality and didn't necessarily play favorites on her religion. She mentioned a few spiritual heros of differing religions, but I think that's okay and, honestly, pretty smart. I learn a lot about my own beliefs by seeing others.

In fact, I learn a lot about myself (especially what I am not, or at least hope not to be) by looking to others. There is a girl on the program, maybe several, that use complaining as conversation. Gosh I hope I'm not that girl.

And I honestly feel bad for them. How hard it must be to live life with such a negative output. The worst part is, that I have had many friends in the past like that. HAD is a great word to use. People like that tend to disrespect more positive people, seeing them as naive or immature. I feel like I've experienced enough pain in my life to be considered "weathered" and I'm a decent student, not an idiot. This is something else she touched on, positive people being put down by negative ones. It was if she read my thoughts.

I have felt disrespected so many times because people think I have it easy or completely disregard any opinion I may have just because I try and stay positive. I will have you know, it is a lot harder to stay positive (especially with people like that around) than it is to be negative. It is ALWAYS harder than you think for someone to continue to be easy going and seemingly happy. Not that they are faking it, but happiness takes skill and effort.

I'm not the happiness person on the planet or the greatest example of a positive life, but it really hit home when she talked about being called stupid or an air head for thinking that way. I can name several people who have thought the same of me. It is hard enough to try and stay positive all the time, I'll be damned if I keep someone around that only makes it harder.

Speaking of happiness, we headed to Disneyland Paris again for the day. This time we went to Hollywood Studios first since it always closes earlier. We did the backlot tour (nothing notable, except "RC" is present), Tower Of Terror (much more thrilling), Crush Coaster (hands down my favorite ride in Paris), and Rock N Roller Coaster (not the same theme of winning passes, just "hey aerosmith decided to design a coaster....lame!).

It was amazing to listen as every single cast member was bilingual in French and English and ocassionally others. I can't imagine working like that everything, repeating everything twice in 2 different languages.

After it closed, we hit up Disneyland Park, and started with Space Mountain 2 (no known story line was given, but it was definitely more thrilling than the Orlando one), Nautilus (basically a neat little walk through), Star Tours (crap compared to Orlando's new one), Its a small World (almost the same as Orlando), and Haunted Mansion (it is called phantom manor, a lot of the same concepts).

We ended the night with the parade, like spectromagic but not as good, and the fireworks (so lame compared to Wishes).

I'm exhausted to say the least, but ready to go back and finish it all on Sunday!

Well, I have GOT to get some sleep.

Much love.

Paris: Day 21

The day of school after a long weekend is the same in France. Just in case you were wondering, I believe that to be a universally accepted attribute of education throughout the world.

I got up today and crammed for a test that was pushed back another day. God loves me no matter where I decide to procrastinate studying.

In class, I realized how much I just love the Italian, Sergio, in our class. He is a hilarious character in this Parisian adventure, and I think he is my favorite. Of course he is cute and just the biggest flirt ever, but I absolutely love his humor. Today we basically made up responses to sentences. His answers were things like:

"While getting my driver's license, I..." "crushed a cat"

"When I quit smoking" "My mom was very happy" and "I started drinking"

"When I saw the movie at the theater" "I was unhappy because there was no popcorn" (Sergio is infamous for hating French theater because of this)

Next we discussed how much time different countries get off from work. In case you were wondering, Finland is the top pick at 39 days a year. Looking to move? I need a roommate! I was drifting off in thought when my professor called on me (you know, in that way that they know you aren't listening at all and want to embarrass you) to ask how much the US gets off (since I am now the only American in class). I surprised myself when, off the top of my head, I responded perfectly without a second thought of translation.

As if it was completely natural.

Since I normally tell myself an answer to a question about 3 or 4 times before he gets to me, this was a wonderful victory. Plus I proved him wrong about my not paying attention.

Today I got the chance to check out L'Arc de Triomphe. Nothing spectacular if you ask me. And shopper's paradise on the Champs Elysee. I'm not a shopper, so again, nothing huge. Next was Place de la Concorde (where everyone was getting their heads chopped off back in the day). Since it is a very busy square with lots of traffic, it was hard to see the historical value. Afterwards we checked out Les Invalides. Basically an armed forces museum, but people only go for Napoleon's tomb, which is obnoxiously huge. I got in free since I'm a student and I'm not so sure it would have been worth the 9 euros otherwise.

Next we hit up Disneyland Paris for the first time since I've been here! It was so awesome to see. It really made me miss home in Orlando. I even teared up a little. The background music was exactly the same as Frontierland back home. Sadly there is no Tom's Sawyer Island or Country Bear Jamboree, so I would be jobless! We rode Indiana Jones (great if you're looking for some whiplash with your vacation) and Pirates of the Caribbean (much longer than in the states, but no Johnny Depp, tear).

As a cast member, I get in free. Which is awesome! Although I do have to pay 7 euros each way to get there on the RER. And I have to go to guest relations to get a ticket. Psh. When I buy something, a manager has to come down to give the discount through their card. And this can only be done at one terminal for every store, which is obnoxious when you keep getting moved around.

Nonetheless, every cast member that sees my ID asks so many questions with such curiosity. They want to know all about Walt Disney World, which I like better (I can't say just yet since I haven't done much here), what I do, and if I miss home. Probably one of the few genuine Parisians, but, hey, they work for Disney, what do you expect?

After the purchase is made, I am given my things, in a sealed clear bag that says "Cast Member Exclusive." Sounds snazzy, huh? Well apparently they have "inventory issues" amongst the cast. What a bunch of Parisian thiefs, ha!

On my walk to school I couldn't shake the image of this woman from the train ride yesterday. Before we left Nice, she stood outside our car, waving and smiling a smile that could only mean someone she loves is leaving for a while and while she is happy she can't help but feel alone. Why else would she stand in front of all these people by herself looking above to her loved one for 20 minutes.

True dedication.

I can't even make it onto airport property without bursting into tears. I don't know what it is, but they make me so emotional (I feel like I should reference John Mayer's "Wheel" song here, check it out).

But saying goodbye is so much more. It's adorable. It's heart wrenching to actually watch them go. I mean you can't watch anyone leave at the airport anymore and I think that is just so damn depressing. All you get is a quick hug as airport security hurries your ride along.

I guess I wonder if anyone is mentally waiting on a train track back home. And would I ever wait on a train track in front of hundreds of people just watching?

Who knows!?

I couldn't help but wonder what she would do to occupy herself while they were gone. I would run. I know that for sure now. As I moved through the streets of Paris, I watched as bakers got ready for their day. Setting out cakes and breads just so perfectly and with such care. This was completely their calling.

You could tell in their eyes.

Almost like love.

There's no rules or specific definitions for all, but you know when you see it.

And work should be love.

And the more I read the happiness factory, the more I realize how much I remind myself to think about what makes me happy. Not what everyone thinks should make me happy or thinks I should be doing.

I made that mistake when I agreed to stay in Memphis instead of going to Central Florida for school. And I regret it nearly everyday. Things have worked out great and I won't graduate with debt. I've learned a lot. And maybe I wasn't ready.

But I won't make the mistake of letting people influence me too much again. And over the last few weeks, I have finally realized that I have to simply admit it to myself that I don't belong in an MBA program. Why waste the money?

I think I will use it to go back to school for something else.

I can't believe that I've come to accept that, in a way, the last few years of studying what people told me to study (and admittingly I found fun at first), was a waste because I refused to listen to myself.

I always felt like it was too late to turn back, when, now as I look back, it wasn't. Of course, I will still graduate with the same degree. It would be stupid to change now. But I refuse to move forward in something I don't love.

And since I love Orlando, I think I'm going to go there and be happy. And think. And really search where I am myself for where I should be going. Or maybe even staying there.

No more being afraid of being judge for working in a dream. I thought they told us that we were supposed to love our jobs? I mean, if I love it and it happens to be Disney, what's wrong with that? Why did they change the rules on me? Do they really think I can go back to a boring corporate desk job? Is that really the "potential" that I have?

No thanks. I think I will live below my potential and be happy instead.

Call me Royal Blue. (That's a Cold War Kids reference, check out "Royal Blue" when you get a chance)

Paris: Day 20

This morning we got up early to go to the beach to watch the sunrise.

Well I couldn't sleep last night so I ended up skyping my friends in Orlando until I actually had to go because I was going to miss the sunrise. Unfortunately we couldn't go straight to the beach because the reception didn't open until 8 am. And when it costs a euro to take the tram to the beach, you don't want to keep coming back and forth. So we waited around, enjoying the beautiful last morning. I had a couple cups of coffee with plenty of milk.

So American.

It really reminded me of home, back when I was younger. Before my parents divorced, my mom would make me coffee everyday. Since I was 7. Essentially I drank coffee everyday for 11 years.

Crazy I know.

When she moved out, she took the coffee pot.

I'm lazy and I can't make coffee with love.

So I quit.

Cold Turkey.

And it was painful.

But I remember that month everytime I think about purchasing a coffee pot. Sure it is nice to go to Starbucks every once in a while, but if I had my own pot it would become an addiction again.

In "The Happiness Project," the author talks about deny yourself something to make yourself happy. Sure, I wasn't happy at first to deny myself coffee, but it is nice to know I can travel wherever and not have to worry about how I will get coffee in the morning.

It is a small sense of freedom.

I don't like having limits. Well, who does anyway?

I also like denying myself crappy food and adding water in. It makes my runs that much more rewarding.

There are a lot of things in life that are so rewarding after it all. I have a friend that is dealing with her boyfriend leaving to do the Disney internship. And yeah, that hurts. But it is such a rewarding closeness to be without someone, either a lover or even my friends in Orlando, for a while. Denying yourself seeing those people everyday allows your more strength on your own and a chance to better understand yourself. It is possibly one of the strongest learning experiences I encounter when I let go of someone for a while or I leave my whole world (first Memphis, then the country) to be all alone.

As hard as it has been, I could never regret doing this. I think the times when I have ruined a relationship (friend or boyfriend) are when I become too dependent on that relationship. When you are too scared to trust in the relationship to let it stand on its own without your control for a while, bad things happen.

Do something that scares you.

Jump into life on your own. I have been amazed at what I have found.

As I slept the mid morning away topless again on the beach, I thought about how many friends I have lost this summer while I have been away. And how many relationships will be unaffected. Stronger even.

It makes me even more grateful for those that I have.

Gratitude is one of the key components in the Spirituality portion of "The Happiness Project" for the month of August. She reads all the depressing books, like the memoirs of people who lost a battle to cancer, or raising a kid with down syndrome.

Crazy awful things.

But it makes you grateful.

You can't help but thank your respective higher being, mine being God.

As our train wove through the French countryside, I couldn't help but thank God for the opportunity to see all that beauty. And at the same time, be sad that I would probably never have the time or money to see it all as a pedestrian or citizen of one of these towns.

You can do anything, but you can't do everything.

Still, you should be grateful.

It felt good to get home to Paris today.

It was so weird to type "home" and "Paris" into one sentence. I guess you don't realize what home is until you aren't there anymore. And I guess that even though I don't dress or act like a Parisian, I am becoming one in my own way for this last bit.

I missed the metro and all the different types of people.

I missed Mouffetard and my favorite Italian restaurant.

I missed my apartment with the view overlooking the local park.

I missed having more than the beach and a couple museums.

It feels good to be "home."

Paris: Day 18 & 19 (Well, Technically Nice)

The more I'm here in Nice the more I realize how much I love it.

It is SO different from Paris.

People actually wear colors here other than shades of black. Today, I saw a group of Parisians wearing all black and jeans and it felt nice to watch them be an outsider for once, ha! I blend in much better today. So much in fact that I was asked if I'm Italian once or twice today.

I really love the heavy Italian influence here. It makes for beautiful architecture, great ice cream, beautiful boys, warm smiles, and a generally more relaxing atmosphere. Much less rushed. Very clean. I really should have learned Italian.

I guess it makes me realize that just because one thing is foreign (Paris) doesn't mean you have to like it to like new experiences or feel like you should assimilate yourself. Here, for instance, I can wear my bandana with no looks. In Paris, I don't wear it because I'm not "supposed" to, I filter my clothes and personality. And I guess you should to try and experience the culture, but I guess, in a way, I lost myself there. I was trying to fit in in ways that clashed with my personality.

It reminds me of what Gretchen Rubin says in "The Happiness Project." Know you. If you don't like it, that's okay. You don't have to. Sure, I may not love Paris enough to live there, but it is still great. And it isn't worth trying to deny myself of who I am. I feel like I have met the balance of knowing who I am without being an obnoxiously unwilling American. I enjoy attempting French. And I enjoy the new experiences, but I don't like suppressing my outgoing tendencies. Or my bright clothes.

I guess on with the show of my recent experiences in Nice.

Yesterday we slept in and got lunch at a place near the beach. I had bruschetta. But not Americanized bruchestta. It was basically like pizza on bread. It was so awesome. For dessert I enjoyed a lemon and sugar crepe, which was a tangy awesome blend.

We hit the beach again afterwards. Normally when I go to the beach I spend most of the day in the surf. But the water is cold and the rocks hurt. So I spent the whole day sleeping and thinking on the beach. Not even being a bit of productive in my reading or writing post cards or anything.

I did nothing but lay around. Listen to my music. Sleep. And think.

Oh, and I was topless.

I can't believe I just admitted that on the blog. I haven't even told most of my friends that. This is what you get when I decide to be a more honest blogger.

Everyone envisions the French Riviera as a crazy nude place. But its not. It's very family friendly and not everyone goes topless. The ones that do aren't hott or single. They are young, old, moms, and just normal people relaxing and tanning without tan lines (well at least up top) and it felt great to join them. It was a secret goal of my trip to "let go" and try it and it was well worth it. I mean, it's the French Riviera. It's like a right of passage.

For whatever reason it made me feel unbelievably confidant, even though I don't have the hottest body in the world. And especially not the hottest on the beach. I really can't believe I did it, but like they say "Do something that scares you everyday."

And after days like yesterday, I wonder why I don't more often.

We spent the whole day on the beach before heading back to the hostel. On the way we stopped for ice cream and discovered what a plethora of flavors they have here. I opted for coca cola flavored and wasn't the least bit disappointed. In fact, it was amazing. It was like getting a coke iccee, but better!

We laid low at the hostel for a while and went to bed early for an adventurous day today. We visited Chateau de Nice, which is basically a huge mountain with really awesome views of the city, port, and beach of Nice. It was quite the hike, but well worth it.

Afterwards we roamed to the port for lunch. The port reminded me a lot of being at home and at the lake with my dad. I haven't gone in forever, but still, it made me want to be at home with my dad or at least have him here so we could go check it out together. There were several dive boats, too! I should have gone scuba diving!!

We had a great lunch. I got a pesto pasta which reminded me of my roommate, who loves pesto, and really made me homesick. The Italian that served us was so nice and interested in talking to us, very unParisian, but I loved it. I feel like I haven't been social at all until today! People talk much more amongst each other and to strangers here than in Paris. It is going to be hard to adjust to Paris again tomorrow.

We then charged uphill go to the Robert Chagall museum. It was a really neat modern museum that was well worth the hike. Plus it was free since we are students. Why don't American students get good deals like that?

We continued our adventure uphill to the Matisse museum (one of my personal favorites). It was in a 3 story home and seemed kind of limited. Lots of his drawings and hardly any paintings. I'm glad that was free (not just because we were students this time, it was free for everyone).

There is a public park outside the museum where there were a lot of people playing petanque (bocce ball) and tennis. Or simply playing with dogs or having a picnic or even a birthday party. The French seem more and more like normal humans rather than just foreigners.

We got in a quick nap before dinner down by the beach. More pasta, great bread, and some salad that actually had dressing on it (a rarity so far in this France trip). Before going home we hit up the ice cream shop again (I had 3 scoops instead of 2 of the coca cola).

And here I am. All packed up and ready to leave tomorrow on the 1:30 train to Paris. Its crazy that its going to take 5 hours to get to Paris, when it takes only an hour more to fly across the Atlantic Ocean to Toronto from Paris. That is so strange to me. 5 hours on a train I'm sure will be a lot different, especially without a bed this time.

I think it takes going without something to really make you appreciate it. Oh, how I depend on my iPhone. And how I miss my bed and my shower in Memphis. But I never think about going without them when I leave. They don't matter until they aren't there. Being out of Paris and calling it "home" is really strange. I'm not sure if it feels right. But when I talk about going home in less than two weeks, I refer to Orlando. As if I will always be there.

I used to hate taking baths. In fact, my brother and I begged to procrastinate them until the next day. I don't recall any of our tactics being successful.

But once we were in the tub, you couldn't get us out. In fact, the water got so cold we had to put more warm water in since we were shivering so bad. It was a blast. But we didn't like to think of the hassle of getting in and out and drying off, but most of all stopping what we were doing right then. Despite this, we got in.

And had way more fun that playing dodgeball with the stupid neighbor.

I feel like I do that a lot now.

With running. What a hassle to change and take the hour or hour and a half and then still have to shower after. But when I'm running, I feel like I could go forever. Breathing off stress. Breathing in new life. New thoughts. More muscle. More stamina. Keep going.

And everytime I wonder why I don't do it everyday.

I'm too scared to give up what I have going on right now.

Being here makes me miss Orlando so much, not so much Memphis. I feel like that's a good indicator of where my heart is, but I feel like I'm too young to know. I feel like I'm supposed to go live in another country for a month or so and then I will have the right whether or not to say that is my home. And after college, I feel like I'm expected to take off and move to another country or move somewhere I've never been. I feel like I have to excercise all the possible options. This plays a huge role into my everyday indecisiveness. The "obligation" and inability to excercise all options before choosing.

Like Gretchin Rubin says, You can't do EVERYTHING you want. But you can do ANYTHING. Sure, I know, if I wanted, I could get a job in Paris. Or California. Or anywhere.

I have the drive. I have the stamina. I have the connections somewhere. It's true. I can do anything.

But is that what I truly want? Do I just want to do these things because people expect me to? Do I only go shopping because people expect that of girls? Do I say I want to live in all these places because I'm a Hospitality major?

I think I have a city versus town struggle going on right now. In Memphis, there is the best of both worlds. The city right there and the country just down the road. Slow and fast pace at hand. Sure I love the idea of fast pace, but can I handle it?

Would I enjoy it?

I love the idea of country, but would I get bored easily?

I think I definitely want to travel (have the fast pace) for a living, but I also want my homebase (my slow pace) every once and a while. And Orlando seems perfect for that. It is so close to a lot of other vacation spots, too, plus I have my scuba diving there.

I don't think I've given myself enough credit for living outside the "dream" of Disney life. Sure, I have Disney and Disney friends, but I also now have a circle of scuba diving friends that are completely separate. And friends from college that have since moved there or in nearby cities.

So why don't I just accept that I love it there, and that, for now, that is where I am happiest and want to be? I don't have to keep going and keep myself miserable searching around for the next however many years.

I already know where I am happy.

Why don't I keep myself happy and change when I'm not anymore?

I know that I love the tub and I just need to accept the hassle of letting go of all the options.

Paris: Day 16 & 17

Sorry for combing posts again. I know it makes them awfully long for you to suffer through.

I had a great walk to school yesterday. I think something about realizing that I like that and recognizing one of my interests made it better. I love how it wakes me up and how Paris looks in the morning. It is a beautiful and calm sight. I think if I lived here, I would definitely make sure I liked within a 30 minute walk or so. Walking to work would be a nice career goal.

In class, I felt so accomplished as I followed approximately 90% of what my professor was saying as I drifted on to other thoughts. As in, I didn't have to concentrate my brains out to understand what he was saying. I could actually semi tune him out and think about the extended weekend ahead and still be productive. Well, sort of. I had to ask once for him to repeat a page number because I wasn't listening well enough. But still, at least I knew how to ask what page number.

He even started making fun of the Venezuelans soccer team. And it was nice to be able to understand the jokes and laugh along. (Did I mention I really don't know sports well, so for me to understand a sports joke in a foreign language is a big step here) And on top of it all, he was wearing a t-shirt (a rarity for French professors). And not just any t-shirt, a velvet underground one.

Yeah, I know.

Another plus, he made fun of the whiny way the teacher's pet Arab girl speaks French.

I thought I was going to wet my pants laughing.

For once I stayed awake for most of class despite being up until 3 am the night before. Okay, I will admit I got coffee. And not just any coffee.

Starbucks.

I know, I know. It is an unforgivable sin to go chain when you're on vacation. Especially on coffee in Europe.

But I did it anyway.

I was a little homesick, plus I have tried a lot of coffee and expresso shots since I have been here. I deserved it.

Not to mention, I like my coffee like my alcohol.

And many things in life actually.

With sugar.

Take a shot of expresso or vodka are just as painful. But combine them in a blended sugary substance and I will drink as much as needed.

Maybe that is what helped my French out. The extra boost of the joy of walking plus the sugar and caffeine of my morning walk. Plus the Asians did really bad yesterday in French. It is really hard for them since their language is nothing like the Romance languages. Sure, English is a bastard child of them all, but still relative in a lot of ways. But Chinese? Japanese? And all their little dialects and what not? I can't imagine. As bad as it sounds though, it is nice not to be shown up by something in the classroom by an Asian.

As I walked back home I thought aimlessly as I walked along listening to my music. Except I caught myself mid-thought, thinking in French. And later even translating the songs I was hearing into French.

It was crazy weird.

I think I'm going to buy a couple small French novels (maybe like kids or teens to keep it simple) before I leave. I remember growing up how much I loved to read (and of course still do) and how much it helped me in the long run with English. And the same would probably be true with French. And after I bought my $30 collins translator (it is like the only one that works offline, so worth the money, plus it conjugates verbs in any tense), I figured it wouldn't be so bad.

And as much as I like music, I think I will look into getting some French music. The hot Italian suggested a couple artists, all the while his hand on my arm. These Italians are ferocious flirts. No, that isn't aggressive, but Sergio just loves talking to the Venezuelan girls and I. And he's a toucher when he talks. And the Italian boys at the restaurant talk to all the pretty girls that walk by with the most adorable smile in the world.

I should have taken Italian.

Their food is better, they aren't inclined to blondes, and I have so much fun interacting with them.

Of course my roommate and I put off packing for our trip to Nice today. We anticipated leaving at 9 for the train station, but left at 9:15. Frustrated with selectively packing into my small duffel, I just started throwing things in my giant bag. And unfortunately I didn't get my homework finished, so that meant more than I had to bring along. Boo. At least I won't be going back to Paris with it.

Hauling that bag up and down metro states to get to the Austerlitz train station was more than a workout than I had anticipated. I guess it made up for my not running.

When we got to the station to print out our tickets, we couldn't print them since we don't have a chip on our credit cards. The French have cards with a chip in them that forces you to identify a pin number each time and apparently has security information or something. I don't know. It isn't a huge deal, but sometimes you run into the issue of not being able to use your card. So we wandered around until we finally found a manned station to help us.

Our train was set to leave at 10:25. It left at 10:45. The French really aren't much for punctuality. We all had to wait in line to have one of only two people check tickets for verification. We climbed on board and moved narrowly through the very small hallways to our room - which consisted of 3 bunk beds on each side and enough room for the ladder that extended through the middle. No food or entertainment car, all beds on the SNCF night train to Nice. A cute boy helped us put down the window outside our room as we watched the train take off.

And then he went to watch with his girlfriend.

Boo.

As I left I thought about how normal of a day I had as a Parisian. I walked a lot, window shopped, indulged in coffee, and noticed the everyday lives of others. The silent fight of a couple on the street who clearly were in disagreement about something with getting on or off the metro. Stupid, but relatively normal. Another couple was happily looking over ultrasound pictures of what clearly seemed to be their first child. Friends debating amongst each other at a cafe. Women making appointments at nail salons and such.

I know it all seems stupid, but it is kind of becoming my home in a way and when I stop focusing on myself and take my English music out of my ears for a while to listening to the quiet yet beautiful flow of French conversation around me, I learn a lot. And I understand more. And I guess that's what these experiences are about.

Understanding more.

I would never be friends with any of the Americans (or one Canadian) that are on this program with me. We are all so very different. And as much as I like different kinds of people. In the states, I would never so much as talk to these people. But here, we are all we have. And so we force ourselves to understand, ask questions, give answers. And learn a lot.

I guess going on vacation somewhere makes you realize where home is. And I realize Paris is more of home than I thought. Sure, I miss Orlando like crazy. And Memphis a little bit, too. But for now, Paris is home. And I miss it already.

As I settled into the middle bed, I decided to move everything to the otherside of the bed so I could lay against the window and listen to the white noise of the train and watch France go by. It was a wonderful sleep. Rocked by the train with a lullabying of creaks and small bits of wind escaping in through the side of the window. Once we woke up, there were only a few stops until Nice. We walked out and watched water appear for the first time.

That is always excited when you are going to the beach for vacation.

To see the water.

Oh the thrill.

I went to use the restroom and about halfway through I realized the weird sound the toilet was making was its version of flushing because my foot was resting on the pedal. Yeah, the flush button is on the floor...Don't step on it. The same with the faucet. If you want water, give a stomp on the other button.

Once out of the train and on the street, we followed the directions given by our hostel to the tram. The NCA is a very modern and clean train that runs a fairly straight route from the beach to the suburbs. We are near the end of the line, hey we can't all afford to stay right on the beach. But as the train moved further north, the recorded announcer played a small sound related to the stop and then announced the stop ahead. For example, the one for the school was the sound of being in gardens followed by "University Valrosta."

We were instructed to wait near the grocery store next to the stop for a van. It arrived and uphill we went. There was a long line to check in so a girl came out, gave us a quick overview of the property, and sent us down to breakfast before it was over and told us to check in later. We put our bags in luggage storage and headed to breakfast, which is basically a bar of assorted cereals, juices, toast, and coffee. But still really refreshing. The dining hall is really nice and split amongst two floors. Each with a row of computers for internet access. Wifi is also free. The grounds are nice and covered with with trees in what little space there isn't building. The kitchen is even in somewhat of an attached greenhouse. It is near the top of a huge hill, so the view is awesome. St. Exupery Villa Gardens is one of the best hostels in France. And considering the perks, I'm not surprised.

After breakfast we took off to the beach, noticing a lot of Italian architecture along the way. Apparently Nice used to be own by Italy. Who knew?

The beach was rocky. As in, no sand. As in, it was all smooth stones, like in some picturesque background of your computer with a river flowing of them. But oddly enough, we both fell asleep and had awesome naps. The Mediterranean was cold, but still fun. Although the surf leaves much to be desired compared to Florida.

We spent the rest of the afternoon back at the hostel just resting. Well she rested, I did homework. We ate dinner here planning a great weekend ahead.

Well I think I have put off writing my final paper long enough.

Much love!

Paris: Day 15

Another adventurous day in Paris.

The morning started off well. There is a girl that is almost done with her study abroad who is from South Carolina and had never been to Paris before either. We live in the same building and caught each other on the way out, me to the Metro station (I was running too late for a morning walk) and she to McDonald’s for what she claimed as the best express coffee around. A notable statement in a city overrun with cafes.

She talked about how she did most things by herself and didn’t really wait on everyone else to get in the mood or get their schedules together. Everyone is just too busy and simply too different for that. It made me feel a little better that I’m not the only one that goes to Paris attractions alone. In a way it is nice to keep with my own pace.

I’m a little aggressive, I must admit, anyway.

I have no problems with waking up a 5 am to be somewhere at opening. I thrive on 4 or 5 hours of sleep. And I love scheduling things in the most efficient way possible.

Then I ran into one of the other students on my program waiting on the metro. We chatted for a while about the upcoming week and how school was going. It was nice to have someone to talk to, but I did miss my morning walk. It is a great time to listen to new music I bought and really think on it. It is normally a little chilly so it wakes me up and starts my blood flowing to plan the day and think about things going on in Paris and stateside.

Class is getting a little easier, at least as far as understanding what is going on. I had my final today in my phonetics class. I’m a little sad because I loved honing my accent to the perfect French tones, but I’m glad to be gaining an extra hour of play after class once the week is over.

After class I went to the CEA building to pick up a mug I won in a raffle, it has a map of the metro on it. Super cute even if it is a little cheesy. I just love the metro. I really wish Memphis had awesome public transportation. It gives me time to read and think to myself. And honestly, being on the metro reminds me of NYC. I guess since we are such a global economy, the world really is shrinking as we assimilate our cultures to work together more efficiently. Being in central Paris is just like New York. Most people speak English, there are tons of cultures represented, and it is simple busy amongst the tall buildings. Sometimes I wonder if I am actually in a foreign country.

I did sleep for a while on the flight, who knows!

Next I headed to Paris Plage. Basically this is a summertime event where a good chunk of the Seine riverside is turned into a beach, with extra large beach chairs and mats and plenty of sand to go around. Plus several ice cream stands and cafes. Of course, no swimming allowed (not that you would want to, yuck!). It was great to sit on the “beach” just to read and sleep for a while.

Next I roamed over to one of the two islands on the Seine, Ile de Saint Louis. And it was instantly a favorite. Definitely the quietest place in central Paris and full of quirky little shops, even a puppeteer shop. I could have walked the streets forever. It was like a small town inside of Paris.

Alas, I had homework to do, so I headed home. Well, not before a drop by the mall. Unfortunately, my strapless bra didn’t make it into my bag somehow (that is the 3^rd time this year, I am really starting to collect these things on every trip). Since Europe does not claim Victoria’s Secret, I had to “stoop” to another brand. Here, they have Etam. It reminds me a lot of the Aerie brand. Maybe it is TMI, but regardless, if you are ever in need of undergarments of moderate standards in Europe – now you know.

After a couple hours of homework I went to my favorite Italian place again with the guy that lives next door. He is the only guy on our program and also serves as the local friendly Canadian. Definitely a socialite, but for whatever reason decided to stay in tonight so he joined me for dinner.

Wednesday’s are called social night in Paris. Movies come out on Wednesday’s, not Friday’s and everyone goes out on Wednesday (and Friday too, ha!), so Mouffetard was happenin’. The restaurant even had a saxophone player going. At one point he begins to play some infamous Italian opera piece that you have probably heard before, but I couldn’t for my life think to name, and the chef comes out and sings to the entire restaurant and street for that matter. And an accordion player walks by and joins in. It was a thrilling experience as everyone looked on in appreciation. If only I could get the “foodies” at the Hospitality school to broaden their skills like that!

Over dinner we discussed an interesting topic that I haven’t thought about since my internship with Disney. Experiences such as these bring an odd group of people together that probably wouldn’t normally be friends. In all honestly, I would probably stay away from every single one of these people and their respective friend groups back home, but here, they are all I have. And so we are forced to get to know each other deeper than our stereotypes. I’m not as country as I sound. Sure she is conceited, but she has more interests than what the mirror tells her. Maybe she tries to hard to be different, but she is hella smart and pretty damn fun to be around. And sure, that girl comes off like an idiot that follows the crowd all the time, but you would never know she loves these little unknown films. And maybe that preppy frat guy is more than just a beer guzzler. He is actually pretty smart and reads a book 3 times as fast as me. And at the end of it all, meeting someone different wasn’t so bad after all.

For dinner, I had a 4 cheese pizza, which was a little intense on the cheese. I think I will stick with my plain marinara next time. I don’t know what it is, but having pizza with out the cheese tastes so much more fresh and less greasy. How come I never thought of that? I had a Sirop to drink, which was basically Strawberry water, but it was super delicious. For dessert, I had Arragato (I think that’s what it was called). Basically vanilla ice cream served in coffee. It was perfect and just what I needed for a late night of homework.

On the walk back we got crepes. He had a white chocolate one with caramel and I, one with butter and caramel. My tasted and smelled just like a pancake from home.

Happy.

His was a great one too.

Apparently the shop we went too had the best crepes in Paris according to two of his guide books, but what do I know about crepes? If it had sugar I’m bound to love it.

Today in the happiness project, I read about being serious about play. I realized how little I take the time to make sure I have enough fun in life to clear my head and simply enjoy. And when I think about it, I don’t know what I would do for fun.

What do I really enjoy?

All I do is school and work, which I enjoy in their own rights, but surely I am more than my job and homework. So in an effort to discover my fun, I have tried to pay close attention to the things I find absolutely thrilling, despite its uselessness and taking pictures as reminds on my phone along the way.

Walking in a new city is one.

Running is another. I have missed it the last few days and will hopefully have time tomorrow.

But one thing she mentioned really struck me, too. There are so many things I wish I wanted to do enough to do them. Like be an astronaut, but my lack of physics-comprehension counts that out. I want so many degrees, but there is only so much money and time I have to sacrifice. I want to see so much of the world. I wish I wanted to go clubbing every weekend or even once a month, but I just don’t enjoy it that much. I wish I loved “shopping with the girls” and spending all day in a salon like a chick is supposed to, but I hate being inside. I wish I could snowboard like a rockstar, but I hate the snow.

You can’t change what you like.

But you can change what you do with that information. Instead of wasting my time trying to force myself into liking shopping, I will spend the day pushing to my next mile or learning more about some photography program. Or discover something new in my city.

Have fun.

Paris: Day 13 & 14

Whew! So much is going on!

Yesterday I had a test in my French class and when I got up to turn it in, excited to go grab lunch before phonetics, I was told (in French of course) that class was not over and would resume in promptly 15 minutes. Bluh.

So I spent my time on my new book (well borrowed from my roommate in Orlando), The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. I just finished Super Freakonomics and it was awesome. Just as great as Freakonomics. Such an interesting read and I always bring up the different topics discussed in random conversation. The Happiness Project is a task set forth by a writer who wanted to find and strive for happiness over the course of the year. She is well read and ambitious and needs to know she is meeting goals and how well she is doing constantly. A lot like me essentially (maybe minus the well read, lol). And all the struggles and flaws she has are so closely related to major ones I worry about myself. Thus I have been able to truly understand every aspect of her writing and appreciate her organizing happiness down to essentially facts. Of course, it cannot be lived by facts, but by organizing the project according to the vast amount of research she has had, helps me to understand and respect this project. She organizes her year with a giant factor of happiness goal.

January was energy. I love that because we never seem to have enough and it is something I have been focusing on more with my running. She also cleans out her life so to speak of all the clutter in her house. I am actually in the process of that (well whenever I finally get back to Memphis, moving around so much definitely helps you get a grip on what is important and what should be left behind). She also targets nagging tasks (like finally answering that e-mail or simply working on that project a bit at a time). Something I truly struggle with. But she makes note to do immediately anything that would take less than one minute to do. It sounds stupid, but how long does it really take to answer that e-mail or hang up my coat? I have the time in the day, I just need to commit and stop wasting it.

February was of course Love. Sore subject right now, but regardless it had some good points. Like don't expect praise or attention. I'm really bad about that. I feel like I have taken on so much in life and I expect people to go "good job Madison, you are doing really great for yourself." Do I really do something because I love it or because I need my life to be legitimized.

Like a career, which was March.

She gave an example of going to law school and working in law forever. She talked about people who she worked with who only talked about law and read about law, nothing outside of that. She said she hated it. And then she realized. Why do a job that she wouldn't do in her spare time.

It made me think, what do I do in my spare time that I love? Travel? Yes. But do I really love working in Hospitality. I'm really not sure. Leaning towards no. More so, burned out. I really love music, but I could never produce it or anything. What about art? That's cool, but I don't have a portfolio.

She had the same fears. How could she just switch from doing something she was already good at and spent so much time on to something where she had to start all over?

I think I just decided to go back to school after I graduate. I really do appreciate design and photography. And just art in general. I was shot down by one stupid high school art teacher and never got over it.

So I love graphic design and photography. But do I really love the other things I do? Do I actually love running and learning french or am I just doing it to get over a breakup? Or for the attention of running a half marathon?

I guess after the next breakup I will take up biking and Italian. Before I'm 25 I should be triathlon ready for a good chunk of the countries in the world. Ha.

March also had launch a blog.

Check.

But it also had enjoy the fun of failure. Something I will admit I am hesitant to put on the blog. I fear a lot of things that I put on here because I am scared of what people, many who I don't even know, but especially those I do know, will think of me. In fact, that filters a lot of things that I want to put on here out of my writing.

I guess I need to learn to be a more honest blogger and remember why I started this: For me. To remember great trips and experiences like these. To get things off my chest and analyze them later with a clear head. To bring together things I love into one place.

Right now I am on April which highlights: Sing in the morning, Acknowledge the reality of people's feelings, be a treasure house of happy memories, and take time for projects." All under the big umbrella of children. Also an unknown subject right now. But I am loving it regardless. I have so many great pictures and things I never see because I haven't taken the time to organize them into something I can reflect on or enjoy. Be it a scrapbook or whatever.

I can also fail to point blank understand someone's feelings and tell them what I see and understand, too. This makes a huge difference in how to handle any negative emotion with others. Definitely something I'm going to try and work on.

Sorry that speil was a little random, but I really felt I should share. Go buy the book. It is great so far.

Yesterday after class I ate at a boulanger near pompidou called Legay Choc. That was the best BBQ chicken wrap I have had outside of Memphis. It was WONDERFUL. And I needed a taste of home.

Afterwards I went to Palace Chaillot and saw La Cite de l'architecture & du patrimone. It was a really cool architecture museum. It was completely free, too! It was so crazy to see pieces of old architecture just moved into a building with blank walls. It is as if it defined it more, being against a plain wall rather than being with the rest of the building. Buildings have a tendency to be forgotten. Christo and Jean-Claude are two great artists who also exemplify things that we have a tendency to forget about, in several instances, buildings. The museum also highlighted the design of some of France's public housing, several in Paris, but also in other cities. These design concepts were all very modern and efficiently designed as far as space and utility goes. It was an incredible site. From modern architecture you moved into very old spanish cathedral like architecture, paintings, and art. Kind of random, but still really neat since they had set of rooms that you walked into as if you had actually walked into the church. It was so quiet in the museum and plus I was alone so I took a seat in several, admired the art, and said hi to God.

I took the metro home and stopped by my local boulangerie for dessert. A charlotte. This delicious little cake had soft crust around the outside and strawberry creme inside with strawberry jam, a strawberry and raspberry, plus powder sugar on top. Heaven.

I decided right then I would have a dessert every day there on my way home.

After some homework I went over to Mouffetard to eat at my favorite Italian place. On the way I stopped in a little shop to peruse and had a really great conversation, in French, with the sales woman about how great Ray LaMontagne is and how well he played at Bonnaroo. She loved him. I asked her if she knew that the Foo Fighters were playing at Rock du Seine and she had no idea who they were.

Ha.

Well you can't win em all.

She was really nice and the first french person who didn't get frustrated with my french and ask me to simply speak English. She also wasn't busy though. I think the French genuinely want to help us by switching to English, but I told her I was a student trying to practice and she helped me learn a lot of new words in just a 10 minute conversation.

I think the 2 guys that run the Italian restaurant are starting to recognize me and even smiled when they served me, very different from usual France. I don't like French food, but I'm used to the service by now. It isn't bad, it is just that is what French people want, a server that moves quickly and doesn't bother them with stupid questions. Since I was eating alone they were very kind and even spoke to me a little. One had his lady and baby there. Absolutely adorable. I enjoyed Panna Cotta for the first time at their recommendation and it was wonderful. I left them a note saying I would be back often and sorry for my bad french and thank you for the best meal yet plus a small tip (tip is included in every restaurant here, btw). I think I'm going back tomorrow with the roommate, ha.

Today wasn't much different. I visited Jardins de Plantes. And it very much lived up to its name. It had a huge array of different types of plants, plus this is also a hub for botanical and zoological studies with both buildings located on the outer edges of the property. It is also where the serious runners run. Not the family runners I feel like I have been seeing. There were girls who ran alone (and in shorts, gasp). And many runners had music. Double gasp. This park was bigger, allowing less mundane laps. If I am ever in the mood to ride the metro to run (hardly likely) that will be my spot.

Today's dessert was Mille Feuille. Comparable to a Napoleon at EPCOT's France Pavilion. It is several layers of thin crisps and creme with powder sugar on top.

After napping on that delicious snack I headed over to Monte Marte just to explore for a while. I went inside Sacre Coeur just to look around and ended up spending a half hour on a pew just thinking with God. Not that he is only in churches, but the moment really felt right. I reflected on a lot of what I had just read in the happiness project. That I felt out of place in a lot of ways in my life and I wanted my Disney confidence and placement back. Where should I go next? I know I am destined for more, but what?

We had a good time.

No definite answers. Just quality time with the big man.

On my way to the metro I discovered a cupcake place whose name currently escapes me (Miss Cupcake?), but it reminded me so much of muddy's with its decor and everything I had to go in. That raspberry cupcake and "Mr. Pink" juice (basically a smoothie) really made me feel at home. I thanked the girl and told her I would definitely be back soon.

I loved Monte Marte. If I ever moved to Paris, which I would consider more and more as each day passes and I have begun to kind of translate my life here, it would definitely be there. Less city more artsy. I'm going back soon to roam again.

Off for more homework!

Much Love!

Paris: Day 12

Today was market day on Mouffetard. Basically like farmer's market except French music and dancing and just general happiness all around. We slept in and then headed to market and I bought strawberries!!! They are so hard to find and when you do, they aren't cheap. Oh how I've missed my strawberries. Once I get home I'm buying a box of relatively cheap strawberries and eating those while watching Moulin Rouge. And then Hercules with a bag of kettle corn. And then I'm going to go to the movies by myself and watch One Day with a coke icee and a nerds rope. Afterwards I'm going to go to Taco Bell before crashing into MY bed. Then I'm going to wake up and take a shower in MY shower with the beautiful Memphis water and go eat at my local greasy mexican place, La Hacienda, and have either sushi or Young Avenue Deli for dinner. (sorry my food envy is kicking in) Oh I miss American food :)

Anyway.

French girls don't run alone.

Yet another reason I'm not French. They with either a boyfriend (I assume) or another chick. Never alone. I haven't seen one yet running alone. Just the guys. That is so strange to me. Back in Celebration, I had a friend to run with every once in a while which was nice encouragement, but most of the time, I have to clear my head.

And clear it alone.

I have been continuously confronted with things related to "moving on" not just during this summer, but especially here in Paris. Paris is changing me a lot, but I am going to have to change a lot when I get to school anyway. Who knows where I will be this time next year? So I guess, I'm fighting in, in a way.

And everytime I feel a breakdown coming or I start to feel overwhelmed, I take off running. That is something I am coming to love about Paris. It is much more pedestrian friendly that Memphis. And everytime I take off, it clears a lot of things away.

Plus only cute boys run at my park.

Maybe it is suppression or maybe it is actually a release, but it gets me through the day. And I discover something new every day as I add another half mile to my route. I am learning the city much faster and French traditions through my observations that I would have otherwise. In a way I am beginning to appreciate the city more for what it is and less of what my emotional baggage makes it out to be.

With less than 3 weeks left before school and Paris, too, I have to start planning ahead. Even across the pond.

There are lots of things to be done for NSMH and lots of classes to get ready for this fall (24 credit hours!). I also have to adjust to a new life. A life without the boyfriend. Or any boyfriend for that matter. And a life without a friend of mine who is leaving soon. And a life without those who have already gone.

I am interested to see how this all works out, but honestly I will probably be too busy to notice. I am beginning to notice, however, that there are people in Memphis (and Orlando, especially) that make me never want to leave. In Paris, there is a lot of culture, beautiful scenery, and foreign countries so close. But there aren't any people I will miss or really need in my life.

In Memphis, there is my dad and a couple of really good friends. One of which is the best yoga partner anyone could ask for. I love her so much and miss her dearly because we have grown so much together and found so much peace and balance through yoga. I really wish I had her and yoga right now to adjust to everything. But, I know I have outgrown Memphis for a long time now.

In Orlando, there are tons who helped me realize who I truly was, and, because of that, my heart will always be there. It was the first group that accepted me as I was and helped me grow. But now, there are lots of problems on the rise. There's too much competition (I'm not built for the rat race of Disney) and honestly my group has grown apart without much left.

I am beginning to realize how much I need to accept that these chapters are over (as far as I know for now) and move on. I really am alone, in a way, now. As much as it sucks, it has made me realize that I wish I did have someone to share these adventures with (more than just blogger.com). Maybe marriage isn't so bad after all. Or maybe I am really not cut out to follow that path.

This is the part where I find my place again.

It is time to find a new Disney.

Paris: Day 11 (Versailles)

We awoke to another rainy day in Paris. People keep telling me that we are in a drought, but I have my doubts.

I got up much earlier than my roommate, so I went to the Centre Commercial at Place d'Italie to do the grocery shopping for the week. I have really been craving milk as of late, so that was a necessity. The french don't consume in such bulk as we do. I swear this oreo box is a third of the size of an American one, ha! I got a straightener, too since everyone told us we could forget those working, even with adaptors or converters (they will just fry). 20 euro, not bad. If you ever need a one stop shop, a CarreFour is your place. The other markets, like Monoprix, are pretty limited (think Kroger or Publix) whereas CarreFour is similar to a Target or WalMart as far as diversity of products.

Afterwards I got back to the apartment to get ready to go to Versailles for the day. We all met at Fountain St. Michel and grabbed a sandwich at a nearby stand (it REALLY hit the spot). I had this drink called Oasis that was pretty good, much better than Hi-C!

We had to take the metro to the RER. The RER is bigger, but also known to be a little unsafe since it travels to the suburbs. I know, it is crazy that the suburbs are the dangerous part of town, but that is the cheap part of town. And everyone in or out of real estate knows what kind of money it takes, or doesn't, to determine a neighborhood.

Versailles seemed like a fun town, I wish we had more time to explore the town itself, alas, all day was spent at Versailles. The Chateau itself was, well, boring. I've seen old paintings and monuments and old rooms before. There wasn't anything to the tour, I would say it is only about 25% of the palace itself. The gardens were the place to be. This tour was included in my program with CEA. It included the trip to and from, dinner, our ticket to the palace, and our ticket to get into the gardens that night for the evening show. My roommate and I decided we didn't want to go into Versailles and just shop, so we bought a ticket to experience the gardens during the day. And boy was it amazing. Completely worth it. In fact, I think we are going to go back on a sunnier day with more time.

The gardens are so expansive. In fact, part of it goes well beyond the grounds and are simply a public park for locals. I saw several people running on the public part. WHAT a run. Gosh, I wish I could wake up and run next to the Versailles palace everyday. The lines of trees and expanse of beauty were simply indescribable.

We took a break to grab something to drink on the public side as well as Barquettes, these absolutely delicious strawberry jam like cookies. Oh gosh they were amazing.

Before we could get back in they closed the gardens to begin setting up for the night event and made us walk ALL the way around the palace to the front. Since our evening tickets were with our CEA leader, we had no way of getting back in. So we walked to the front and just sat on a bench for a while, enjoying the raining day! (Fortunately it had only lightly sprinkled up to this point)

We met the rest of the group at 6:45 to go to dinner. I had the craziest dishes, that for the life of me I cannot remember. I was also slightly inebriated. Wine does me in pretty quick. There was a chicken with smashed mushroom dish followed by this pasta and roast beef meal (I'm not much of a roast beef person, so I just enjoyed the noodles) all ended with an apple pie like dessert with a very tarty custard on top. It was all food I had never tried so it was a new experience, but probably one I wont order again, ha!

Afterwards we returned to Versailles for the evening. They had all of the fountains lit, some with rainbow colors and others with neat laser effects. There were also industrial bubble machines at the grand entrance to the gardens. There was also a fire show where fire shot of out these tubes along the main vertical lawn, all synchronized to music. The fountain at the end of the strip also had a synchronized show that went every 15 minutes. The gardens are very different at night, but equally cool. The finale features a firework show, nothing compared to Disney, but it was okay! It was very cold by this point so I watched it while enjoying a Nespresso. My first yet and it was wonderful.

It was really nice to get out of the house for the day and to even sleep in (mind you sleeping in for Madison is 8 am).

Tomorrow is Sunday market on Mouffetard (have you noticed how much I love Mouffetard yet?) and probably just taking it easy and beginning the end of my homework for the summer (thank God!!!).

Much love