Paris: Day 18 & 19 (Well, Technically Nice)

The more I'm here in Nice the more I realize how much I love it.

It is SO different from Paris.

People actually wear colors here other than shades of black. Today, I saw a group of Parisians wearing all black and jeans and it felt nice to watch them be an outsider for once, ha! I blend in much better today. So much in fact that I was asked if I'm Italian once or twice today.

I really love the heavy Italian influence here. It makes for beautiful architecture, great ice cream, beautiful boys, warm smiles, and a generally more relaxing atmosphere. Much less rushed. Very clean. I really should have learned Italian.

I guess it makes me realize that just because one thing is foreign (Paris) doesn't mean you have to like it to like new experiences or feel like you should assimilate yourself. Here, for instance, I can wear my bandana with no looks. In Paris, I don't wear it because I'm not "supposed" to, I filter my clothes and personality. And I guess you should to try and experience the culture, but I guess, in a way, I lost myself there. I was trying to fit in in ways that clashed with my personality.

It reminds me of what Gretchen Rubin says in "The Happiness Project." Know you. If you don't like it, that's okay. You don't have to. Sure, I may not love Paris enough to live there, but it is still great. And it isn't worth trying to deny myself of who I am. I feel like I have met the balance of knowing who I am without being an obnoxiously unwilling American. I enjoy attempting French. And I enjoy the new experiences, but I don't like suppressing my outgoing tendencies. Or my bright clothes.

I guess on with the show of my recent experiences in Nice.

Yesterday we slept in and got lunch at a place near the beach. I had bruschetta. But not Americanized bruchestta. It was basically like pizza on bread. It was so awesome. For dessert I enjoyed a lemon and sugar crepe, which was a tangy awesome blend.

We hit the beach again afterwards. Normally when I go to the beach I spend most of the day in the surf. But the water is cold and the rocks hurt. So I spent the whole day sleeping and thinking on the beach. Not even being a bit of productive in my reading or writing post cards or anything.

I did nothing but lay around. Listen to my music. Sleep. And think.

Oh, and I was topless.

I can't believe I just admitted that on the blog. I haven't even told most of my friends that. This is what you get when I decide to be a more honest blogger.

Everyone envisions the French Riviera as a crazy nude place. But its not. It's very family friendly and not everyone goes topless. The ones that do aren't hott or single. They are young, old, moms, and just normal people relaxing and tanning without tan lines (well at least up top) and it felt great to join them. It was a secret goal of my trip to "let go" and try it and it was well worth it. I mean, it's the French Riviera. It's like a right of passage.

For whatever reason it made me feel unbelievably confidant, even though I don't have the hottest body in the world. And especially not the hottest on the beach. I really can't believe I did it, but like they say "Do something that scares you everyday."

And after days like yesterday, I wonder why I don't more often.

We spent the whole day on the beach before heading back to the hostel. On the way we stopped for ice cream and discovered what a plethora of flavors they have here. I opted for coca cola flavored and wasn't the least bit disappointed. In fact, it was amazing. It was like getting a coke iccee, but better!

We laid low at the hostel for a while and went to bed early for an adventurous day today. We visited Chateau de Nice, which is basically a huge mountain with really awesome views of the city, port, and beach of Nice. It was quite the hike, but well worth it.

Afterwards we roamed to the port for lunch. The port reminded me a lot of being at home and at the lake with my dad. I haven't gone in forever, but still, it made me want to be at home with my dad or at least have him here so we could go check it out together. There were several dive boats, too! I should have gone scuba diving!!

We had a great lunch. I got a pesto pasta which reminded me of my roommate, who loves pesto, and really made me homesick. The Italian that served us was so nice and interested in talking to us, very unParisian, but I loved it. I feel like I haven't been social at all until today! People talk much more amongst each other and to strangers here than in Paris. It is going to be hard to adjust to Paris again tomorrow.

We then charged uphill go to the Robert Chagall museum. It was a really neat modern museum that was well worth the hike. Plus it was free since we are students. Why don't American students get good deals like that?

We continued our adventure uphill to the Matisse museum (one of my personal favorites). It was in a 3 story home and seemed kind of limited. Lots of his drawings and hardly any paintings. I'm glad that was free (not just because we were students this time, it was free for everyone).

There is a public park outside the museum where there were a lot of people playing petanque (bocce ball) and tennis. Or simply playing with dogs or having a picnic or even a birthday party. The French seem more and more like normal humans rather than just foreigners.

We got in a quick nap before dinner down by the beach. More pasta, great bread, and some salad that actually had dressing on it (a rarity so far in this France trip). Before going home we hit up the ice cream shop again (I had 3 scoops instead of 2 of the coca cola).

And here I am. All packed up and ready to leave tomorrow on the 1:30 train to Paris. Its crazy that its going to take 5 hours to get to Paris, when it takes only an hour more to fly across the Atlantic Ocean to Toronto from Paris. That is so strange to me. 5 hours on a train I'm sure will be a lot different, especially without a bed this time.

I think it takes going without something to really make you appreciate it. Oh, how I depend on my iPhone. And how I miss my bed and my shower in Memphis. But I never think about going without them when I leave. They don't matter until they aren't there. Being out of Paris and calling it "home" is really strange. I'm not sure if it feels right. But when I talk about going home in less than two weeks, I refer to Orlando. As if I will always be there.

I used to hate taking baths. In fact, my brother and I begged to procrastinate them until the next day. I don't recall any of our tactics being successful.

But once we were in the tub, you couldn't get us out. In fact, the water got so cold we had to put more warm water in since we were shivering so bad. It was a blast. But we didn't like to think of the hassle of getting in and out and drying off, but most of all stopping what we were doing right then. Despite this, we got in.

And had way more fun that playing dodgeball with the stupid neighbor.

I feel like I do that a lot now.

With running. What a hassle to change and take the hour or hour and a half and then still have to shower after. But when I'm running, I feel like I could go forever. Breathing off stress. Breathing in new life. New thoughts. More muscle. More stamina. Keep going.

And everytime I wonder why I don't do it everyday.

I'm too scared to give up what I have going on right now.

Being here makes me miss Orlando so much, not so much Memphis. I feel like that's a good indicator of where my heart is, but I feel like I'm too young to know. I feel like I'm supposed to go live in another country for a month or so and then I will have the right whether or not to say that is my home. And after college, I feel like I'm expected to take off and move to another country or move somewhere I've never been. I feel like I have to excercise all the possible options. This plays a huge role into my everyday indecisiveness. The "obligation" and inability to excercise all options before choosing.

Like Gretchin Rubin says, You can't do EVERYTHING you want. But you can do ANYTHING. Sure, I know, if I wanted, I could get a job in Paris. Or California. Or anywhere.

I have the drive. I have the stamina. I have the connections somewhere. It's true. I can do anything.

But is that what I truly want? Do I just want to do these things because people expect me to? Do I only go shopping because people expect that of girls? Do I say I want to live in all these places because I'm a Hospitality major?

I think I have a city versus town struggle going on right now. In Memphis, there is the best of both worlds. The city right there and the country just down the road. Slow and fast pace at hand. Sure I love the idea of fast pace, but can I handle it?

Would I enjoy it?

I love the idea of country, but would I get bored easily?

I think I definitely want to travel (have the fast pace) for a living, but I also want my homebase (my slow pace) every once and a while. And Orlando seems perfect for that. It is so close to a lot of other vacation spots, too, plus I have my scuba diving there.

I don't think I've given myself enough credit for living outside the "dream" of Disney life. Sure, I have Disney and Disney friends, but I also now have a circle of scuba diving friends that are completely separate. And friends from college that have since moved there or in nearby cities.

So why don't I just accept that I love it there, and that, for now, that is where I am happiest and want to be? I don't have to keep going and keep myself miserable searching around for the next however many years.

I already know where I am happy.

Why don't I keep myself happy and change when I'm not anymore?

I know that I love the tub and I just need to accept the hassle of letting go of all the options.