Paris: Day 12

Today was market day on Mouffetard. Basically like farmer's market except French music and dancing and just general happiness all around. We slept in and then headed to market and I bought strawberries!!! They are so hard to find and when you do, they aren't cheap. Oh how I've missed my strawberries. Once I get home I'm buying a box of relatively cheap strawberries and eating those while watching Moulin Rouge. And then Hercules with a bag of kettle corn. And then I'm going to go to the movies by myself and watch One Day with a coke icee and a nerds rope. Afterwards I'm going to go to Taco Bell before crashing into MY bed. Then I'm going to wake up and take a shower in MY shower with the beautiful Memphis water and go eat at my local greasy mexican place, La Hacienda, and have either sushi or Young Avenue Deli for dinner. (sorry my food envy is kicking in) Oh I miss American food :)

Anyway.

French girls don't run alone.

Yet another reason I'm not French. They with either a boyfriend (I assume) or another chick. Never alone. I haven't seen one yet running alone. Just the guys. That is so strange to me. Back in Celebration, I had a friend to run with every once in a while which was nice encouragement, but most of the time, I have to clear my head.

And clear it alone.

I have been continuously confronted with things related to "moving on" not just during this summer, but especially here in Paris. Paris is changing me a lot, but I am going to have to change a lot when I get to school anyway. Who knows where I will be this time next year? So I guess, I'm fighting in, in a way.

And everytime I feel a breakdown coming or I start to feel overwhelmed, I take off running. That is something I am coming to love about Paris. It is much more pedestrian friendly that Memphis. And everytime I take off, it clears a lot of things away.

Plus only cute boys run at my park.

Maybe it is suppression or maybe it is actually a release, but it gets me through the day. And I discover something new every day as I add another half mile to my route. I am learning the city much faster and French traditions through my observations that I would have otherwise. In a way I am beginning to appreciate the city more for what it is and less of what my emotional baggage makes it out to be.

With less than 3 weeks left before school and Paris, too, I have to start planning ahead. Even across the pond.

There are lots of things to be done for NSMH and lots of classes to get ready for this fall (24 credit hours!). I also have to adjust to a new life. A life without the boyfriend. Or any boyfriend for that matter. And a life without a friend of mine who is leaving soon. And a life without those who have already gone.

I am interested to see how this all works out, but honestly I will probably be too busy to notice. I am beginning to notice, however, that there are people in Memphis (and Orlando, especially) that make me never want to leave. In Paris, there is a lot of culture, beautiful scenery, and foreign countries so close. But there aren't any people I will miss or really need in my life.

In Memphis, there is my dad and a couple of really good friends. One of which is the best yoga partner anyone could ask for. I love her so much and miss her dearly because we have grown so much together and found so much peace and balance through yoga. I really wish I had her and yoga right now to adjust to everything. But, I know I have outgrown Memphis for a long time now.

In Orlando, there are tons who helped me realize who I truly was, and, because of that, my heart will always be there. It was the first group that accepted me as I was and helped me grow. But now, there are lots of problems on the rise. There's too much competition (I'm not built for the rat race of Disney) and honestly my group has grown apart without much left.

I am beginning to realize how much I need to accept that these chapters are over (as far as I know for now) and move on. I really am alone, in a way, now. As much as it sucks, it has made me realize that I wish I did have someone to share these adventures with (more than just blogger.com). Maybe marriage isn't so bad after all. Or maybe I am really not cut out to follow that path.

This is the part where I find my place again.

It is time to find a new Disney.