Paris: Day 23

Today on my walk to school, I thought a lot about my dad and my family back home. I'm a pretty big daddy's girl, though, so mostly him.

After living with several different people this summer, I miss coming home and just sitting around and talking to my dad. I know, that at the end of the day, he will always be there. Things may be going horrible in school, but he's just proud I made it this far. I may get screwed over by friends, but he's always there to remind me not to waste my time or tears. And even though I suck at relationships, I can always come home to my dad.

As much as I travel and see the world, I always come home to dad.

If some boy breaks my heart, there's always dad, waiting at home. Sure, he isn't the type to cry to, but at least I know he would never hurt me. And its times like those that I wonder why I ever seek out boys anyway. I sometimes feel like it is a bit of a replacement process, finding a boy or husband. Generally, girls want someone to take care of them. And before some guy, there was dad. I can't imagine replacing my dad.

And if I get to 30 and I'm still single, I don't think I will be all that stressed. There's always dad waiting at home. I almost feel like "A Rose for Emily." Hopefully I get a better ending, ha!

Being alone in Paris has made me realize a lot about myself. That its okay not to have a relationship. And, if I don't by 30, I think I will adopt. I will eventually want to share my life with someone, and let's face it, dad won't ALWAYS be there.

I also realized that pain is much more useful than happiness. Going through hurt and loneliness put me in great shape. In fact, I hit and surpassed the halfway point for the half marathon I'm training for today. It clears my head and gives me a goal. I'm going to really try and commit to fitness and family this Fall. By focusing on me here in Paris, I realized those are spots where I am weak and would really love to improve.

I even got the guts to admit to myself that the life I've been planning isn't what I want. There's no sense in continuing something I don't enjoy just because I already put a lot into it. That is sunk cost for you. The time is already spent, now how do I better the future?

Today was an easy day. I went running after class (nearly 8 miles!) and had a great time. I realized that the first couple of miles are the most trying. If I can get through those, I can get through anything. It is in those first two miles that I am more likely to stop or quit. I start to feel all the junk food I ate and the lack of water I didn't drink the last few days. But it is through pushing yourself that progress is made.

And so I ran.

And ran.

And sweat.

And pushed on.

And got lost.

And ended up running an extra mile and a half.

And it was beautiful.

And just like the bathtub effect, I wonder why I don't do it everyday. It is just a matter of getting myself out there. I need to dedicate more time this fall to that.

Afterwards we went down to the Eiffel Tower. And I remembered how much I hate heights. Climbing up all those stairs made me realize: 1)How much my calf muscles hate me today 2)How much of that tower is just stupid steele 3)The view is always worth the work

I had a farewell picnic tonight since the new group comes this next week. Since it was cloudy all day we moved to Cafe Rouge near republique and it was hands down my favorite cafe yet. It was awesomely decorated (the back room is 3 stories, ground floor and two floors of simple 3 foot space all around, creating a beautiful atrium effect). They apparently also give salsa lessons there. I have got to go back before I leave.

We spent forever talking and enjoying dinner with the program coordinator. Nearly 2 and a half hours worth of conversation. I loved it. Food always tastes and digests better with great conversation.

Just over a week left and so many adventures to be had!